I have done a lof of things in my life that would cause some to second guess my morals, my personality, just me in general. I have had problems holding on to people, not just boyfriends(major problem), but friends as well. Recently I have been thinking about all of this and how far I have come since messing myself up. I am usually led into directions or actions that I know are wrong but feel so right. I'm trying to work on myself. Apologizing is never easy. Especially for me. But i am so glad that I did it. I'm so glad that I have not lost everyone that I once could call in times of need. Sometimes I wish I were Catholic so I could confess some of my sins. Say them aloud, I have and they didn't verbally tell me I was disgusting....but they had to be thinking it. I want to hear it. I need to be kicked down.. by an outside party. Anyways... When it comes to boys, I'm hopeless. Too picky I think. I honestly don't think my prince charming exists. I don't think I will ever be taking that ride on the white stallion or kissing him in the moonlight on the bridge in front of our castle. Okay.. enough. Boys are stupid though. I don't understand why it's so hard for them to notice how much you may like them. Why is it so hard to understand the subtle messages of, "lets hang out"?? Maybe he's just not that into me. Okay.. fine. But I think I am ready for someone to actually take an interest in me... Someone who isn't my friend, who I only view as a friend. Someone who doesn't only want to be my hook-up buddy. Which apparently I am, in any city that I live in. But I'm not that person.. i don't want to be that person anymore. Okay.. I guess that'll do for today. J ::Something to Ponder:: Why does everyone text now? It's so informal. Nothing is personal anymore. Whats wrong with calling someone. It's beginning to become rude. When I go 80 dollars over my texting limit, it has become too much. Am I just not good enough to call? Stop being stupid and dial the fucking number. Was it worth it? Was 80 dollars of texting you worth it? No.