So, about a month ago I was looking through myspace. And I don't know why, but I decided to look up my ex, James. Still don't know if it's a good idea. But I sent him a message, and yesterday he finally sent one back. We spent about 2 hours talking on myspace. It's weird. Like, part of me felt really happy to finally talk to him again, to know he's alright, knowing that he's still .. James. [[which has it's upsides, but theres alot more downsides.]] Then a part of me felt really upset by talking to him. I mean, that kid fucked up my head and my heart for a long time. I didn't trust any guys. This was my FIRST love. My first kiss. The first guy to hold my hand. The first guy to buy me flowers. Yellow roses to be exact. He was what I wanted for so long. But now. I just want to know that he's safe, and he's okay. I haven't talked to him in probably 3 years. It's so weird how the emotions hit you all at once like that. When I was talking to him. I was happy. Then sad. Then I got irritated. Then I was just happy to hear from him again. He wants me to write to him. He's in some sort of "facility." ... yah. Now you know part of the downside to this kid. Everytime I don't hear from him for a long time .. he's put away some place. Fuckin. I've known him since I was 12 or 13. Can't remember. But that's about 10 years. It's crazy to think about. Maybe I should explain. When I was 13, my dad didn't trust my sister, my brother, & I to stay home alone. So me & my sister got shipped off to a family friends house, and she watched us everyday. I really didn't get watched to0 much, considering I spent most of my time with Jamie, either babysitting or doing something randojm. lol. But she knew this Darren that she really liked, so he came over alot. Then he starts bringing his friend James around. Me, being young .. fell head over heels. I thought he was IT. We dated for a month, things were good. He used to sneak out his house all the time just to come see me. I believe the one time he actually tied sheets together, and scaled down the outside of his house. lmfao. But then, he left me for my friend heather. OUCH. Exactly. I hurt for so long, completely avoided him. It got to the point where I couldn't even see Jamie & Darren together, it hurt that bad. A few months go by, and James pops up AGAIN. So, we start dating again .. 1 month anniversery .. he calls. I get dumped .. AGAIN! yay. He left me for Jamies neighbor. Wow. What a fuckin ego boost for my already shattered self esteem. So. After I could stop going over there, I kindof cut alot of them out of my life. I was heartbroken. Talked to James here and there over the next couple years. Hung out with him occasionally. When I say occasionally, I mean once every 2-3 years. HAHA. Before this next part, every time I would see one of james's friends, they would tell me how much he "loves me", how "obsessed" he is with me. Kindof weird, Kindof flattering. The last real memory I have of him, I was dating this kid Harry [kindof], and he showed back up in my life. So, of course, him being James, I started dating him too. Then him and harry both went crazy one night and fought through my phone. It was retarded. So I haven't spoken to him since. And now... he's back in my life. But he's NOTHING compared to my Joshua. &hearts'