Did you ever feel alone even when your surrounded by people? Did you ever feel like everything you did was wrong? Have you ever felt like a complete failure in life? To answer all these questions. I have felt this way numerous times. Last night, I watched Mr.3000, & I thought it was gonna be a funny movie. Granted it was, but not to me. I feel like he does half the time. It just kindof kick started a lot of old feelings for me. I dont know where I'm going with my life. I dont know anything anymore. I used to think I had my life figured out, but I was wrong. I feel like a complete failure in life. The only thing I've done right this far, is graduate from High School. I can't keep friends for very long. & My 2 best friends, don't even call me unless they're boyfriend or girlfriend isn't busy. I'm their backup. A BACKUP. The 2 friends I can count on, are always there for me. But it just feels like I let them down all the time. I feel like I'm stuck on stand still, while everyone else is in fast forward. Everyone is passing me by in life. They all have so much shit going for them. And I have nothing. Even my relationship. I love the shit out of him, and I know he loves me. But i've fucked this up so many times. And I feel like it's only a matter of time before I do it again. I can't even hold a steady job. I find one little thing I dont like, & I quit. Or I just stop going. Which is terrible. I tried going back to school 2 years ago. And I fucked that up. Because at the time, drinking & drugs were more important than my education & my future. I wish I could do that over again. And I want to go back to school next year, but I feel like I'll just fuck it up AGAIN. Even though It's something I want more than anything .. I know i'll fuck it up. Even in my family, I'm the failure. My lil sister is doing better than me right now. They all have jobs, and are doing great things with their life. And i'm just .. stuck. I'm slowly turning into my mother. It's not a completely terrible thing, but I dont want that life. I don't want to bounce from minimum wage job to minimum wage job. I dont want 4 kids. I dont want to turn into an alcoholic. I dont want any of it. And I keep seeing myself go down this path. I'm a failure. I cant hold a job. I fail at school. I fuck up all my relationships. I fuck up all my friendships. I'm a worthless piece of shit. Maybe I should try to change all of this. But for right now.. I give up on myself. TooDLeS ♥