*thoughtful sigh* tonight was difficult and very upsetting,it was great until some harmless comment got dragged out too far> i mean before i was great,i'd finished work early and i wasn't tired like i usually am so yeah that was a plus(tho am really tired and worn out now) uhhhhh, this is not good, what happened shouldn't have happened,not the way it did,i'm pathetic and scared and cold and heartless.im a evil bitch.i have spent all my days since i realised the difference between right and wrong actively being against women who treat men the way i did,and listening and comforting guys who have been really hurt by those certain women.guys it IS a good idea to turn gay now cos all women(no matter how nice they seem)are bitches and they will hurt you.i thought i was different and above that kind of thing,but i'm obviously wrong. i'm really sorry,i was going to say something i just wanted to check first.and i didn't mean to be like that at all it's just me and the way i react to things like that.i really do like you and i'm sorry it didn't become something more,cos you did mean something to me. ugggghhh! i know i was only seeing him but it feels as tho iv'e cheated on him, jo,you know how i feel about cheating,how i think it's morally wrong? so you guess how upset i am here(were talkin tears in eyes at the mo)i always thought i would never hate anyone enought to hurt them that bad but i guess it doesn't matter whether or not you try and avoid doing those things to people,you get caught up and it happens anyway,i nkow this cos i would never purposely hurt anyone in that way. see? there i go again thinking about me,never considering how much others are hurting,god i hate that about me,i'm so friggin' self-centered. and i do actually have tears comin to my eyes,this is when being in touch with your emotions really sucks.i cry way too much about everything,even the little things. *big regretful sigh* i couldn't help it i've never been in a situation were i've being seeing someone,i've either been with them or not and i knew where i stood.with you i was confused all the time and it was really getting to me and also i hate admitting this but i'm a really impatient person,so i don't like waiting around,but please know me saying that is not me trying to make myself feel better by blaming you.but i thought you should know that about me anyway. i'm so tired atm but i don't want to go to bed cos it's quiet there and when i'm alone and quite then i have time to feel real bad and so my bed has seen many nights of crying. well-i've just laid it all out there,haven't i? i think that counts as being in touch with my emo side. now the question is do i go out this saturday?will i be welcome? i could go out and fell uncomfortable but get to see caddy or stay in,be comfortable and not see caddy-hmm hard choice. well have got something to feel good about tonigt-i made two guy's egos probably considerably bigger but i was preaching the truth about both of them so i suppose it's ok then. oooo and i've realised that it now officially wednesday morning which means it's Thursday tomorrow! i really need to go now my eyes are getting blurry and i can't avoid my bed any longer. before i go i would like to say that i am genuinely very very sorry and i didn't want to hurt you,and i expect you to forgive me but i do hope that after a while we could just be friends? i think alot of you and i did enjoy the time we spent together(THAT friday night rocked)so i hope you wont be mad at me for long. ok time to go,my bed is calling for me,just needed to get all that out there.*sigh* x : ( i want my high back....