this is how it begins push it away but it all comes back again all the flesh all the sin there was a time when it used to mean just about everything just like now breathe, echoing the sound time starts slowing down sink until i drown (please) i don't ever want to make it stop and it keeps repeating will you please complete me? never be enough to fill me up watch the white turn to red it fills up the hole but it grows somewhere else instead all my life yeah yeah yeah yeah, but it just left me dead (well guess what?) the world is over and i realize it was all in my head now everything is clear i erase the fear i can disappear (please) i don't ever want to make it stop you can never leave me will you please complete me never be enough to fill me up I have thought about what to in my situation for a few weeks now and after recieving advice from some very wise and wonderful friends(yeah,you guys know who you are-Ste,Joe,Jo,Sam-thanks a bunch,i swear i couldn't make a bloody decision without you lot totally on it)i have come to the very simple conclusion that my relationship with caddy totally sucks cock for real.that is the only possible way to describe it.And i've realised what i've got to do-talk-but when i mean talk i mean bitchy,shouting,be-tough-with-him kinda talk-it's the only language he seems to understand.me thinks he thinks i'm a total pushover,and that i'm actually gonna take this crap,and that i wouldn't have the guts to leave him,and sometimes i think he's right.the last nearly two months haven't been all bad,some moments have just been fabulous-but i WILL do what i have to do to make me happy,eventhough sometimes i think(i have an unbelievably amount of time to think these days-since i sit and do sweet fuck all everyday)allthough we've only been together for two months i can't see myself being without him.that scares me a little-but in the end allthough i love him to bits-if i have to put up with this crap any longer i will have no choice but to walk away.i don't know when i will get round to talking to him cos atm i'm waiting for HIM to call ME,which will surely be a fucking miracle when it does happen-but i don't know how long it will take for him to get the point-but the next time he rings i'm gonna do it-i'm gonna bring up all the little things that have just built up into one big thing(well actually it's more big things which have built up into one massive thing)and see what he has to say for himself. I know i don't have to take this crap when i know i can surely meet someone who will treat me better.... ....and i really can't believe i'm not putting this in a pivate entry.... here goes.......