Goddamn that pisses me off… I had a whole long entry written and I’ve got no bleeding desire to write it again, fuck. It’s enough to make me want to give all this up. What a cunt this site can be. Regardless of my patience being incredibly tried I will persevere. Ahhh a shower did me good. I refreshed and reenergized ready with more idea’s to write. I think the first part about understanding my current mindset is understanding the state of my living quarters. You see my Dad is in a moving kind of mood and is fixing up the house to be sold. He’s done several rooms and is doing mine now. This meant packing up pretty much everything into boxes and letting him invade my space for the next week or so. Other then the occasional annoyance of not being able find anything its really not that bad. Of course my room currently reeks of paint fumes. Heck I even helped paint around the baseboards. I don’t think I can be too sure of my laid back attitude since I haven’t home much to really be annoyed. At least it will give me something to do with the rest of my winter break time. I plan seriously reorganizing and cleaning up. It won’t be too hard either since everything is in boxes it’ll make sorting easier. I figure when Cait and I finally get that apartment it’ll make my life easier. To get back to the point my state of being is kind of in upheaval. However the prospect of sleeping on my bed, which is island in the center of my room, is rather exotic. Now that that is understood, New Years has been a pretty wild time for me. To begin the eve was rather dull. However things picked up when I started actively trying to organize a get together. Only about five people ended up coming but compared to my birthday party I consider it a success. Besides I had loads of fun and felt rather giddily intoxicated on life. Dan was the first to show surprisingly enough but he’s back it his old way and I’m not complaining in the slightest. However he was touch grabby that evening and made pretty uncomfortable at times. In particular he tried to pick me up or something and according to Cait I looked like a floundering deer, I rather like that the deer part that is. It was a lovely night in all we played pool and apples to apples as well as watch the ball drop and bring in a new year. Also Marie Antoinette was a surprisingly good movie. From there Dan parted ways and the rest of us piled into Cait’s car. Bobby was the first to go and he finally showed me his tattoo concept to. We watched the stars in Townsend outside his house they were absolutely beautiful. I ended up thinking a lot about my ex and wondered if he was thinking about me. I just can't help no matter how much time passes and much things change I just can't seem to shake him. Hell for the last two weeks I've had at least one dream a night with him in it. Gunny was next and then it was just me, Cait, and bottle of vodka. Four shots down and Cait was in a tizzy. I found out I have a surprising tolerance to the stuff. I didn’t feel too much at all except rather wobbly. Then again this just how I appeared to myself. Eight o’clock rolls around and some how we both manage to be up I think passed out around three. We eat and watch law and order. Then its my house for shower and some how my Brother rinks me into watching the hummers parade. However Cait and I had movie plans and as usual the hummers were late starting. We ended up leaving half past one before it had even begun. Sweeney Todd ended up being a pretty wicked movie. I’m not sure though exactly how much I like it though. I just haven’t decided yet. Cait had sushi on the mind and so we were off to my place of work. By the time we were back in Middletown I felt like was about to faint. I only eat a bit at breakfast and had been drinking coffee the rest of the day. I was all sorts of shaking and nauseous. I’m never going to do that again. Twenty minutes later I’m back at work for an extremely dull night. I was the worst kind of exhausted. I ended up reading Kerouac most of the night. Now here I am with a strange sort of normalcy. Sitting at my desk that is typing away. I’m a terrible kind of tired the kind were your so tired you’ve begun to feel awake again. I think I’ll surf a bit more and then play dead until the morning.