So my week long internet ban was pretty much a disaster. It stuck for a day and then everything returned to normal. I’m not to bothered by my failure since I pretty much knew that’s how things were going to turn out, I suppose I’m just clairvoyant like that or just aware of my own bullshit. In fact I stayed up until three o'clock in the morning reading this story online which I only finished today. Life has been busy there is nothing new to that. I work at one job or another pretty much everyday. I’m looking forward to school so I can slice my hours, though I can’t actually quit either job. Ah well those are the breaks. I feel really out of control sometimes. Everyday its go here, work there, do this, see that person, do that. All the time jump through the hoops but never getting any closer to what I want. It just becomes so tiresome and I don’t feel like I can break out of it. Hell, I’m starting my sophomore year of college and know even less about a future career then I did when I started. Boys, friends forget about it I’ve lost more of them then I can count on both hands this year. Sometimes I think leaving for New York is the right thing to do. If nothing else to get a fresh start… break the vicious cycle of pushing away the ones who love me and chasing the ones that don’t.