hey guys. wats up? nada here. i guess ppl dont like my journal entries?? no 1 leave me msgs. o well.. i have no life so y not write a journal thingy bout how much my life suxs. i fell so alone n unwanted. my friends r ignoring me n i didnt even do nada. my ex is an asshole n still treats me like but i guess i love him so im gunna put up w/ it. i know i desirve better but till i find a new relationship this is wats gunna happen. i dont planning on gettin bck w/ him but idk. i know i shouldnt but idk. i just dont know wat 2 do w/ my self these days. there r days when im happy n crap but then there r days like this where no 1 talks 2 me or they treat me like shit n i just get REALLY depressed bc of it. ive only been single for about 4 months n it suxs. i keep feelin like i will never find da person dat im meant 2 b w/. the person i wanna b w/ 4 da rest of my life i havent seen him like 6 yrs n i really miss him. lately ive been thinking bout him alot. when i was @ my friend randys house we watched his b-day on tape n i saw the 1 person who i love w/ my heart thomas! omg i love him so much n of course he dont know bc i havent seen him in 6 yrs so.. lol. i just hope dat one day he comes bck so i can tell him how i truely bout him. n he mite b enagaged... :(.. n dat truely suxs if he is. neways bck 2 my ex mike. i know hes not worth it @ all. I wasted 4 yrs of my life on him. he cheated on me, lied 2 me, broke up w/my 4 sum bitch who got pregnant n killed da kid. i really dont need dat shit. im 2 good 4 dat. he has no job, lives in @ projects w/his mom who he steals off of, hasnt dropped out of skol yet, n hes an alcholic n a druggie. i dont know what my issue is. i dnt kno y i still care 4 him n wanna still b his friend. he stole my ex best friends from me n shit. idk wat my issue is. i dnt kno y i still care 4 him or w/e. i totally hate myself so much! n im even more depressed bc on july 7th my friend krissy will be gone 6 months. im still havin problems w/ dat. i miss her so much! i regreat not chillen w/her more or w/e. evry time i hear da name krissy it reminds me of her n i just cry n cry n cry bc i miss her sooo much. she doesnt even have a head stone yet!! i just know dat da 1 yr is gunna b da worst day eva!! i just know it. im just sick of bad shit happening 2 me. wtf did i do 2 desirve this? i just wanna cry my eyes out n hold a pillow. i hate bein like dis. well im gunna go cry my eyes out n listen 2 pink love song. till whenever. if u dont like wat i have 2 say dont read!! Pink - Love Song I've never written a love song That didn't end in tears Maybe you'll rewrite my love song If you can replace my fears I need your patience and guidance And all your lovin' and more When thunder rolls through my life Will you be able to weather the storm? There's so much I would give ya, baby If I'd only let myself There's this well of emotions I feel I must protect But what's the point of this armor If it keeps the love away, too? I'd rather bleed with cuts of love Than live without any scars Baby, can I trust this? Or do all things end? I need to hear that you'd die for me Again and again and again So tell me when you look in my eyes Can you share all the pain and happy times 'Cause I will love you for the rest of my life This is my very first love song That didn't end in tears I think you re-wrote my love song For the rest of my years I will love you for the rest of my Life