So here I sit and I am ever so very happy. I have not felt this way in forever but I feel more alone than I have felt in forever as well. I am not sure what kind of war my heart rages on my body but I am not sure my body is winning. I can't eat anything without getting nausiated or ill. I have chest pains all the time and now whenever I stand up from sitting or laying down I get VERY light-headed. Not like that didn't happen before but it happens a lot now- a lot more than it should. Plus I am alone. I mean really alone. I have a new cell phone and I have given out the number to about everyone but does anyone call me? No. I mean I try to call people but they are not home or are too busy to talk to me. I feel like everyone I care about is alienating me. I want so badly to escape and go from this place but I will be even more alone then. I don't know what to do. Plus my parents hate me right now due to the fact that I can't find a job and this place sucks for jobs. Sometimes I wish Broome County would just get sucked into a big black pit and cease to exist all together. My dreams are pretty scary too. I mean I really don't even want to sleep anymore. Ever. And sleeping is something I used to enjoy muchly. On the brighter side of things I am no longer speaking to Jake due to the fact that he was stalking me. I mean he wouldn't stop calling me and harassing me about how he thought I was cheating on him down here and how he wants me to come back up there so he can control me. I feel much more free now that he is not in my life anymore. I am also leaving for 10 days from July 21 to August 1. I am going with my good friend Joe to Wyoming to see Mt. Rushmore and Yellowstone Park and the Black Hills to get gold for my mom. I am looking forward to the trip out there- it will give me time to get away and collect my thoughts. I have not been out there in 20 years. Oh man saying that made me feel old. Ok so for those of you who don't know- 20 years ago I was 6. So I guess I am not that old huh? My birthday kinda was the best I have had in forever. I got to spend time with the people who care about me the most. My good friend Niki made me this beautiful bracelet and a card that made me want to cry and my friend Amanda drank with me. It was great. Well I guess that is all. More later.