it was like the summer.. i feel so at home at the j00 parties.. we have so much fun.. everyone's slightly too relaxed, slightly too whorey, and realsizing that they will have a hang over the next morning.. and then go get another bottle. i was quite controlled too!! im so proud.. lol... i kept most of my clothes on, only madeout with randy, didn;t puke, well i never do, and i was only slightly hungover this morning.. =) yay!! so tonight's plans are mostly go to the school dance with jessy.. maybe the rave at winnnies with john and cameron.. oh hey it;s curly's birthday tomorrow!! he 'll be 18!! happy birthday john!!

previously mentioned boy, with nice hair bears resemblence to boy previously interested in, way long ago. boy previously interested in called. its been years. why now? our closest mutual friend has just been arrested for drugs that you started her on. remember when you had a hair cut that made you look like one of the beatles, when we were both into each other, but never acted on it? i should call you. i want to call you. i really shouldnt call you.

so about that time i slept with your friend. sorry. he was cute. i liked his hair. i guess it shoulnt have been in your bed. you were busy anyway. shit. the probelm is, i kind of liked you.

yay veggie on a meat based holiday. im homeee but really really sickly. i cant help make thanksgiving dinner for fear of infecting the masses. well like 5 people tops, but still, they wouldn't be happy with me.and yea. i can;t really breathe. what a nice break this is. but at least we;re going to merlins tonight. like four of our friends are performing. i seriously love drag queens. :) its going to be awesome to hang out with everyone again, its been wayyyy too long. looking forward to good times.let the grab ass begin.

13.

ummm12.

i am sickly. im dying. not really but its been a while since i;ve been afflicted im not used to it as i used to be. sigh. anyone want to make me chicken noodle soup, minus the chicken?

seriously, i don;t enjoy being around you. when i say those hurtful things to you, i'm not being funny, i mean them. sorry.

its the new year, 18 in 5 i have such a feeling of dread for this year horrid things i don;t understand i have so many wonderful plans for this year, i hope i haven't worked for nothing.

10

sigh of relief to remind me to keep breathing. i keep forgetting have you ever gotten something that you wanted sooooooo bad, but you don;t have time to enjoy the win? im screaming inside because i got it. i smile when no ones looking, and sometimes they catch me and ask me to explain, but they don;t reslly get it. im getting out im living my dream well not yet, and the anticipation is killing me i win, i do i will do so much but i want to start now i want a canvas as big as my room so i can pour myself onto it and when i finished i'll cover it in a tarp and hide it away sometimes somethings are so powerful they hurt i want to make it hurt and then store it away, to look back on years from now though the paint, every stroke will be ingrainded in me, always able to recall every detail in my mind i don;t want to see it its so much me, i can't have it near me its in me. i bleed paint, im shureof it my tears are turpentine how could they not be? sigh im just bursting at the seams and i want to let it burst and color my world but i dont; have the time and no one wants to see such a painting im sure it can kill

i like this song.. its a bit too me. She no wait, but she know me Intake purge, it's my disease Hold me closer let me be Hold me closer let me go away Barely know you know my name Trip the witch and ride the shame Just because you're so cliched It don't mean you won't get paid

as many know, rent came out today, so of course i went to see it, how could i not? apparently it was a resounding feeling as it was sold out.. but thank you fandango for reserving me tickets.. i thought it was well worth it. though i might have portrayed it differently, i know i would have, if i had produced it, but even though it was different, i liked it. it was not true to the stage, but i didn;t expect it to be. underground classic turned mainstream.. im shure die hard rent: the musical fans were let down, but someone always percieves something different in media trasition. cough harry potter. twenty five thousand angel was the strongest charactor, though i wish 'contact' hadn't been cut. angels death on stage is much more intense than here, and i wanted her to go out extravagently, as everything about her was a cut above the rest. oh and did mark and benny get together at the end? the cast all grab their significant others, and those two end up together... eh maureen came off as an annoying drama kid who can;t sing, when in reality idina is amazing.. wicked anyone? the church scene was maybe my favorite, but the nature of the scene lends itself to that anyway.. but it was nicely done, even though i started crying before that, it hit me. those who have seen the stage performance either appreciatede this film more or hated it. i;m glad im not the latter of the two.. i would like to see it again, to catch the little things, yell the little lines that exploded in my mind.. we light candles.. :) six hundred minutes.

rent tomorrow im excited no i just say that i guess im interested in how they will portray it, but i think the stage is better. i have new interest also tick tick boom also written by jl autobiography at that so we'll look into it. nothing could compare to Feed - wonderful read anyway... i work all this week i wanted to hand out dinners with the salvation army but i know it will exhaust me to the point of no return i don;t want to be sick so tomorrow is: work, rent, get ready for thanksgiving thurday is: work, eat, clean massive amounts of dishes, college essays friday is: college essays, work saturaday is: last minute college stuff, mail it out, work. sunday is: work, try to find a new sweatshirt- i wore this one out. what a nice thanksgiving vacation. and they won;t even let me visit her in the hospital...

that means i no longer eat french fries. fuckers

s/n: my adhesive love its fun. its new. its me.

9

Looking at Pratt tomorrow exciting, terrifying overwhelmed with college shit. at least I won;t be at fucking BCC going to the city oh goodie :)

its my anniversary of being a whore.

click the link to edit your home that won;t take you home anymore than the empty bottle full less than an hour ago could. friends requesting a hello and conscious effort from the ones the treasure they want to know they are loved accepted, excepted from the rest so much more that you leave them a love note from a song you never knew the tune to. or maybe you're just advertising your faec so they buy into the product that you;ve made yourself become. i want to go home. i want to get re-connected with my friends. i want to be more than colorful html and a comment count. i hate being fake.