don't wanna be an American idiot don't want a nation under the new media and can you hear the sound of hysteria? the sublminal mind fxck America. Well, it's been a year. Since I fell in love. Since I found myself. No, i'm not talking about a boy. I'm talking about what it is that I found and learned and loved and still do love. And will always love. One year ago today I recieved one of the most amazing gifts i've ever gotten. One year ago I was subjected to something so different, so absolutely wildly out of my range, that I shouldn't have accepted it. But I did. And I took it in with an open mind and open arms. And ever since I have never let go. I don't plan on letting go. It's not just love, though. It's something so complex that I could never explain to you what it makes me feel. I bet you're all like "WHAT THE FXCK IS SHE GOING ON ABOUT WITH HER PSYCHO BABBLE BULLSHXT?!" Well, I'm gonna tell you. Last year (I feel very bad for not knowing the exact date) I was in my living room just minding my own business. I can remember the whole scene perfectly. I was in my pajamas. My brother and Ashley were in Pennsylvania and it was just me and Mom. She came into the living room and started to exercise. I think I remember Kristina telling me that the Grammy's were on and that I should watch. There wasn't anything else on so I decided that I would just check 'em out. Well, only moments after the channel was switched to CBS, a scene appeared on the television screen that would change my life (that of which I did not know at the time) for pretty much ever. Did you know that Green Day performed at the Grammy's in February of 2005? Well, you might have. Some of you might have cared, some of you might not have. I saw them come on and I became paralyzed. I froze where I was (standing about two feet from the TV) and my sight was fixated on the little man with black hair running around on stage with his guitar. The fire in the background caught my attention and I thought they were putting on such an amazing show. I can tell you right now, for some reason unknown to man, I didn't fall in love right there. How can you fall in love so quick anyways? But I was very intrigued and wanted to know more. So much more. After they left the stage, I turned to my mom and said "I want their CD." And a few days later, on this exact date a year ago, I recieved exactly what I asked for. I was so stressed out because I had Driver's Ed that day (Valentine's Day '05) right after school. After Driver's Ed I begged my mother to bring me to Subway so I could get the usual, a tuna sub (which later changed to turkey). I believe Cara was working but i'm not so sure. Afterwards we went home where a pink bag was waiting on the table for me. I took a peek inside. Chocolates, lip gloss, and then.. American Idiot was the first Green Day CD I ever owned. I'm not ashamed to say that I didn't start liking them until American Idiot came out. Heck, I didn't even know who the fxck these Green Day lads were until I saw them perform at the Grammy's. But that doesn't change that i'm just as good as any of you that liked Green Day back in '89 or '94. That's cool that you were subjected to their amazing music at such a young age. I wasn't so lucky back then. But just being able to know who they are, let alone falling in love with them, their music, everything, is so much more than I could have asked for. And I will say right now. I didn't like them for their looks. I recieved Rolling Stone magazine on February 24th of 2005 with them on the cover. I thought it was a cool picture, but I looked at them and said 'eh'. And I was questioned by people close to me if it was just for their looks. No. I thought they really weren't that good looking. Because I went for the Justin Timberlake kind before I knew Green Day. And yes, they did change my opinion on well, everything. Literally. Everything about me changed in that month. My clothing for sure has changed. I used to care so much about what I looked like and what clothes I bought. Now, I could give a rats ass what I drape over my body every day. I had finally found what I was looking for and nothing can ever change that again. Along with Green Day came alot of ups. But there were also downs. When I was let down because of something that had to do with them, it hurt real bad. And i'm not just talking about cry in my room all day bad. No, i'm talking about weeks of the worst thoughts you can think of. I can safely say I love them so much it hurts sometimes. And i'm tearing up just typing this. At one point in my life I loved them so much it almost killed me. But I hung on because I didn't want to lose them. And I know I sound like a psycho for loving a band so much. It's just a band, right? No. It's so much more than 'just a band'. It's music, it's a way of life, it's believing in something you never thought you could, it's living, it's loving, and everything else in between. They are my everything. Without them, I know as of this point, I (obviously) wouldn't be writing this. But I also wouldn't be the way I am today. Not that i'm happy with myself, but i'm just so happy that I finally found something, because I was lost for so long. And so, I end you with that. You can take it however you want. All of it is the truth and I have wanted to get it out from day one. And now you know (part of) what it is that drives me. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY MOTHAFXCKAS!!! 12:47AM