So on thursday, it was Torsten's last night in town. I was really upset, because there was also this small chance that I might now get to see him. (Not bloody likely.) I started out my night with Lorilei and Alan, and I was sort of off put by how stupid Lorilei was being about bringing Ellie around (yea, she could only stay out till ten thirty, but still, we got to mike's at nine thirty and by that time she had permission to stay out till 12 anyway) SO I was really puit off by somethings my mom had been saying, I was sorta miserable. Early in the night, I went to get coke (can't drink straight bacradi without.) with Torsten and Alan and Lorilei. When we went to Wendy's, no one was really paying attention until Lorilei punched me in the arm, and it hurt for like ten minutes, due to a falling/being pushed down the stairs incident. He looked at me leaning my head on the back of the car, and he said "You ok?" the way he does when he KNOWS that something is wrong, but doesn't know what it is. "It's just my mom" I said. "We'll talk later, ok?" He said. and I was ok. I normally don't smoke, but I was going through so much, it was insane. He had bought me some squares at medic, and I was dead desperate to not feel the pain of the cuts i had put on my arm just before we left. So I walked outside with torsten and mike, woody and aj, lorilei and the person I called myself. I lit one, and I looked at the ground. Torti: Tell me now (puff puff) Mia: Just some stuff my mom's been saying Torti: MAN FUCK you mom. Mia: I just can't get those words out of my head. Torti: You have so many friends here who love YOU because you arrrre a cool girl. Forgetchumom. It's not worth it. Mia: I think I can only do one thing to make my mom feel better about me. Torti: What? Mia: Light a fire and stand in. Torti: Don't talk like that. Come 'ere. And he hugged me, and rubbed my head and everytime I thought he was going to let go, he didn't. Mike and Woody came over and started telling us horror stories of their moms and step fathers, I was sitting there feeling bad because my mom said some cruel things to me. I was still down, and they stil tried everything the could do to help me back up. But the one person who really made me feel better, was AJ. He took me around the block, telling me how I was family. Fuck my 'unfamily.' I had my family sitting right upstairs, in Mike's room. I almost cried. He talked to me for a half an hour in the cold, and told me how he was really worried about me. I told him I had been cutting lately, and he spun around and hugged me. Not a, you're my friend and I'm going to be worried about you hug, an I'm your brother, and it hurts me so much more when I know that your hurting. I did cry. I had never felt so incredibly loved in my whole entire life. Not even at happening. So we walked back in (he rubbed my back while we were going up, which sounds stupid, but it was really comforting to know that I had a friend right there.) And we walked in, and we were greeted with a big EYYYYYYYYY! And it was good. I took ellie's jacket off, and I was shivering even though it was a tiny room stuffed with a million people. I stood on my edge of the room, feeling rather uncomfortable. Why? When I had been in that room with those people a million times before? I felt like they (my family) could see right through me. They could see through my clothes and could see to the cuts on my wrists and legs. I didn't want them to be scared of me, so I stayed on the outside. I was feeling sick (I wasn't born for chain smoking) and i went into the bathroom and puked. But it felt like I was getting ride of a burden. I was no longer the girl who listened to her mother's cutting words, I was the girl who hung out with the coolest most amazing people in the whole world. I went back in, and Woody was making toasts. I stood in the corner, still awkard, and moved to sit on the opposite side of the couch, on the arm next to mike. But Mike looked at me, pointed to his lap, and said "Sit down! BITCH why you still standing?" I knew he was drunk, but still, it made me feel really good. I looked at Mike, and at his 5'9 and 110 pounds, I was afraid I would break him. "SIT!" He commanded, and so I sat. I put my arm around his back, and he started rubbing mine in little circles, and again, I felt the love of brother. I sat on his lap, and I felt accepted. Woody was still toasting at this point, and I suppose this happened everytime woody drank, but it was the first time I had experienced it. He raised his glass to everyone in the room, whether he knew them or not. Aj stood up, and toasted family. He toasted me, and he toasted family. Mike of course, toasted to everyone fucking up his life, and how much he loved it. And I loved being there with them. It was amazing, in all and any repsects, one of the best nights of my life. Until 12:37. I signed online, for some reason or another, I don't know, I wanted to share my feelings of amazingness with everyone in the world. and my mother found me out. She started yelling at me over the internet, while I was minding my own business, lying on the couch with mike. (It was a small ass couch too, I was either gonna kill him or fall off) She said she'd been trying to call me all night, which could be possible, but my phone attena was broken, therefore it didn't ring. But I knew I was in trouble then, I was supposed to have been walking in the door 7 minutes ago. So I ran down the stairs to where lorilei and torsten, were well, having some fun. I was hypervenalating, I knew I was so busted. I called her back from mike's house phone, and she started screaming at me, I was so scared, I was going to cry even when torsten got off the couch with lorilei and came and was hugging me. She demanded to know where I was, and she was going to come get me, and she was going to kill me. I was terrified. I knew I was in trouble for ellie not getting home on time, and I knew I was going to be in trouble in general. AJ pretended to be lorilei's dad, he was going to save my ass. She demanded to come pick me up, I didn't want her to. I was so terrified of what she was going to do to me. Everyone walked out with me, but AJ was the one who was there, he stayed with me, and held my hand, even after she came out of the car and rounded on him. Torsten and Mike and Lorilei had run back into the house- I didn't blame mike, he was piss ass drunk, torsten had never met my mom, but I was sort of angry at lorilei. She was supposed to sleep at my house, and instead she stayed at mike's and fucked torsten. But it's ok. My mom must have yelled at me for a straight hour, and she told me she hated me. I knew I had family though. And I don't have a cell phone anymore, and I don't have internet priveleges (haha) and I can't go out for two more weeks. And I'm never allowed to see mike again. (Yea, ok. Like he didn't come over to get a cd and check on me yesterday) If my mother wants to ruin my life, she'll have to go through my family to try.