work, i like work. at work im active. i like work...butting getting off work and going home and going to bed. sucks. i want to be back at work. i have something to do. i have drive. work. im starting to enjoy work more and more. and now i feel weak again. more alone now. was gonna hang with murphy, but no. i think the most depressing thing is no messages. i get home my mom tells me i didn't do this or that. she tells me that i need to get out of this "shlump" that i need to get a drive for what freinds i want, what kind of girlfreind i want, i need to feel better, i need this or that...saying it is easy. and coming from her almost laughable. i just want to pack my bags and leave all of this. but the funny part is. theres no place to go. plus, i like work. i'v decided against animation. i dont have the drive for it, i dont love it. like others do. i don't want to sit infront of a computer. i dont want that. so lost...these days seem to all end the same. these feelings inside of me...im gonna face this alone. i will submerce myself in it. i will dive into it and let it fill my lungs. i will become a creature of it. until i wield fins to manuver through it with ease. everything can be adapted to. till morning. sigh. there is so much going on, and yet so little. everyone in my house has problems, so i feel bad, as though i can't go to them. my parents seperating is creating such tension, that the family unit is gone. i dont want to move out because of my little brother, i dont want him to loose his dad and his big brother all at once, but staying here isnt keeping me sane either. stacy has left me, and to be honest, overpowers all other problems, they seem so insignigicant...she'd hit me if she herd that. i dont know what i want to do in life. i dont have any freinds left, between them going to college, and the others falling away after the whole heather ordeal. and the few remnants, or aquantences here, dont cut it. i think i have more enemies in this place than freinds...my own fault i guess. can't be mad at them, only me. and this last almost month now, has been a constant rerun of depression...and i want it to stop...but these razorblade butterflies remind me of what i had. and god knows i miss having her wake up in my bed. let alone having her just think of me. ah. im just so pathetic now u know. at least tonight i'm being more comforting to myself, it'll all be ok....it'll all be ok.