since the moment i woke up today, they have been there. They have been fluttering around with out purpose, or even an incling of getting tired. all tries to kill thme has had no effect. Thier wings cut into my thoughts and leave my already mangled inards in a bastard knot. These razorblade butterlies that have been inside me all day are the birth of lonelyness, and even more, the thought of stacy being so close to me now. and yet so far away. as chliche as that sounds. it is so true. with her home for the next three days and not 3 hours away, the want is becoming stronger. and this night, tonight, right now, lonelyness: has never had more power. i wait i hope. and these butterflies just breed of it. they grow in strength. making me think of her, wanting her even more. they are cutting until they find tears. my mind twisted today. i sit in a room with no lights, candles burning, and gypse music erupting with its strong guitar. my hands want to rip through my skin. so pathetic i feel now. so weak. for a time, this setting took me away, i read, i drew, but no avail, they never left, i layed in bed watching the flickering shadows as the candles burn themselves out. taking my mind into fantasy, into places filled with magic and creaturse, and lands: but it did nothing, it always brought me back to these razorblade butterflies. because even my imagination, the most beautiful places i imagine, i want to share with her.... there is a heavy disappointment running rampant with these beasts. i hoped for something. i always hope...