i look back at old entries like i always do when im in trouble. and maybe, i dont know anything. these days suck. to be honest, waking up sucks. waking up is like a tease. for a second i forget everything.then open my eyes and start to remember reality. then sleep is all i want again. blah. well we got the bathroom painted. the appraser should be in today. and we are selling it underpriced to one of those emergency realitor companies. so we loose more money, and become more in debt. its the only way though. this home has turned into a house, and this house into someone elses nnext purchase. soon i will vanish from all the old things. everyones going to come back come the holidays and i will simply be gone. new cell phone number come 2 weeks, and then no more house. its perfect. one day someone will be like hey, whatever happened to kevin, and someone will say, who knows. then they will say off rediculious things like, i think he did that or this, or perhaps simply say, why shoudl we care. either way. itll be funny. my heart is telling stacy will call soon, tell me she misses me and wants me back. But my head tells me otherwise. Its funny. for heather it took me 10 minutes to gather everything and put it in half a shoe box. for stacy it takes 4 hours 3 big boxes, a room so empty it makes me sick and im still not done yet. i just want to keep it all out keep it all so i can see. i havn't decided whats worse, waking up seeing pictures and details that remind me of her, or a room so barren that it reminds me of her aswell. in the end it really dosnt matter, i think of her every moment anyway. but its not my choice now. in the end, its all karma. for her the story started 3 months ago, badly. for me, it started over 4 years ago. whatever is going on with her, its all on her. i dont wnat to pack anything away, not a thing. but for some reason if im in my rooom, thats all i can do. i love her. anyway, now theres really only one thing to do. get the hell out of here. theres one thing i hate. pitty. breanna called me cause stacie sayed i dont hang with noone, it was a great idea and all, and i need to thank her. ts just, i dont want pitty freinds. im letting people call me. and thats that. we'll see. i have 4 days off, thur to sun in a weak and a half, and since those plans arnt going to happen. i think im gonna visit chris in indiana. unless something different comes along that is. but other than that, deffnintly gonna visit chris. yeah. or go camping. chris or camping alone. yeah. something. disenchanted is the best word i'v found out of that damn list. it fits. later dayz.