oh dammit. so tired, i can't think. everything is so hazed and jumbled. i feel like a dog, i guess thats the simplest way to put it. well thats what i remember. ah no words. no, i want to feel like a dog again, being peted. my head sits heavy and my skin is far from awake. my mind laps back and back and back to yesterday. so tired....don't understand how she would not want it to happen again. its not like breaking up again...its not. i just want to fall asleep, but not like this. to many things. to many thing. my breathing heavy, so loud. im afraid. afraid that lonelyness will beat out love. or perhaps, she simply dosn't love me anymore, not the way i want anyway. fear. fear. so tired... ich liebe dich. lets go karma. round 57, "ding ding" lets do this!! later.