so today was the final day of the move, my moms keys to the house are now on the kitchen counter, there are no more toys in my brothers room just carpet. The house is an empty shell of what it used to be. Most of the furniture is now gone. And it is now almost two am, and all that is in this house is the empty echoes of what used to be. today was a long day, woke up, showered, got chris, came back to the house, and we helped my mom move all the heavy thing into the flat for her and my brother. Chris and i then explored the surrounding area, royal oak. where we dropped in on an old friend coz who works there. its been like 2 years since i last saw him so that was cool. then chris and i went to this party we were invited to by robin. that was fun. chris got drunk. i watched. it was fun to be the youngest (besides chris). and now here i am. i didnt notice how empty this house was until just now. my dad is gone, because he works during the night, or whatever he does, i couldn't tell you, i dont know if its work or just fucking around. during the day all he does is sleep though...so i never see him anymore anyway. i don't know. yesterday night, i took apart my brothers bunk bed. it was late at night, and it just hit me. this hole situation, everything, so i burried myself into my ipod and held back the tears as my now manic father runs around dealing with watching his family move out, and my mother fights back breaking down completely while my father spits words and selfishness under his breath to my mother and then back and forth between them. as i took apart the bed slowly, it all just, i don't know. every bolt and skrew i undid just reminded me of how my dad and i put it all together just a few months ago in august, how my mom and dad where cuddling on the bed and my brother ontop and every one laughing and enjoying the new bed. i havn't cried about it..i havn't really anything about it. i'v been doing everything in my power to not think about it, and now im sitting in this empty house fighting back the tears that are already making my vision blurry. At least no one can disrupt me here. but i must remember, i'm not the victim here, i can't let my parents know that it's tough, its not nearly as hard for me as it is for them. right? its strange. im so happy for my mom, i havn't seen her smile i did today in so long, i havnt seen her unwinded, she just seemed so young today. so vibrant. it was so nice to see. her surrounded by her freinds. she was happier than i had seen her in ages. my dad on the other hand, i havn't seen him this unstable ever. he was always strong, now he's just...while i was taking the apart the bed, i just wanted to tell my dad i love him. and for some reason saying that in my head makes tears run down my face. i dont think everything gonna be fine. so now i have the house, and the flat. no more home. tommorow ill pack up a bag that i will just keep with me always. things i need you know. this house is not my home, niether is my moms flat. so starting today, im homeless. roof over my head, but no home. my dad already asked me if i could stay at my moms a week in april, he has a bunch of his freinds coming in and he would like me to stay at my moms. probably something to do with the condoms all over the basement. and since my mom and him havn't even shared a room in over a year i here, make your own assumptions (as well as the random pic's of women on his digital camera and photo's on the floor). im not the victim, they are. later