these last two days have been amazing, last night melissa and i spent the night together again. And it was amazing. I really dont want to see her go in january...i really dont. it feels like years have passed since the summer, that this life is so rediculiously different, that everything has turned upside down, from family, to love, to where i put myself in the world, to where i want to be, to everything. and this gives me butterflies, razorblade ones, and i hate it. i feel the antisipation to be alone. like what will happen. in a year i want to go to western, so im going to start applying as soon as possible. i might room with chris spencor, or john Kardin, either one would be intresting....of all the poeple, nick got really excited. Stacie's boyfriend, lol. i think he's excited about another person to hang with besides andrew. lol so i bought the rascal flats cd today, its awesome. it brings back thoughts of the fair, the road. i want to be on the road again, the road to fair, and kanar. with blue skies, good weather, laughter. But i can't imagine myself there without the stacie's, but you know what, thats what i will plan. chris will want to go, but one time, i will go on my own. i want to be in kanar, i know its escapism, i know larping (live action role play) is the most geeky thing on earth, but ts so much fun, and its freedom. its acres of fantasy and freedom. thats what it feels like, freedom. i dont know what will happen from day to day, but at the same time i feel as though every day is the same. so bipolar. later.