I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT .... I am a college student. I have a specific shower stall which I refer to as "mine" and my feet will never touch the floor of it. I am a college student. I try to rotate stalls in the bathroom so I can read all the material taped to the walls. I am a MALE college student. I always have more than one condom on hand. Two in one night? morning after? you never know. I am a college student. I now fail to distinguish the difference in > taste between water and beer. I am a FEMALE college student. I own a sweater which resembles a bathrobe. I am a college student. I didn't get my homework done cuz the kid I share a book with wasn't home last night to get it to me. I am a college student. Drunken scrawlings on my message board or late night drunken IM's from friends across campus no longer perplex me. I am a college student. Somebody keeps stealing my damn message board marker. I am a college student. I pre-party in my room just so I will be drunk enough not to notice the sub-zero weather when I walk to the bar without a coat. I am a college student. I pray for hotties in my classes so that I will have a reason to go to that class. I will, however, never talk to any of these hotties. I am a college student. I can no longer remember what was cooked in those dirty dishes. I am a college student. I have seen more than one party turn into a strip show. I am a college student. My telephone number only has 4 digits. I am a college student. I have spent nites on the floor because I couldn't get up the ladder to my bed. I am a college student. I see no problem fitting 2 people in one twin size bed. I am a MALE college student. I know that a gentleman would let her sleep next to the wall. (It's a long way to the floor.) I am a college student. I will cross busy streets just to pick up what might be a quarter. I am a college student. I want a girl/boyfriend that disappears from 9pm-2am every friday and saturday nite, reappearing undressed in bed with me when I get home. I am a college student. Answering machine messages are a thing to be celebrated. I am a college student. When I see movie trailers on TV, I say "I can't wait to RENT that!" I am a college student. Going "out to eat" no longer involves getting in a vehicle. I am a college student. I don't know half of my professors' names. I am a FEMALE college student. I use empty beer bottles for vases. I am a college student. Christmas lights are a year-round decoration. I am a college student. Laundry bags double as suitcases. I am a FEMALE college student. I have worn my huge fuzzy slippers to the cafeteria at dinnertime. I am a college student. Going to bed before 2:00 is almost unheard of. I am a college student. If it doesn't look or smell dirty, even if it has been on the floor for 3 days, it can be worn again. I am a college student. Nat Lite is a high class beer. Or how about Milwaukee's Best (THE BEAST!!). I am a college student. I am acustomed to asking "do you have a student discount?" wherever I go. I am a college student. Going to early classes in my pajamas is fine. I am a college student. Parties Wednesday through Saturday nights are never hard to find. I am a college student. To get extra money, I sell my plasma, or my roommates cd's. I am a college student. I am a free loader. I am a college student. 3:00 a.m. trips to Wal-Mart is normal, and I am used to being tossed out of Wal-Mart drunk in the wee hours of the morning. I am a college student. The only times that I eat breakfast are when I am still up from partying the night before. I am a FEMALE college student, but you will never see me on a "College Girls gone Wild" video. I am a college student. I am an easy target for cops. I am a college student. I have cussed out the people on the floor above me for being too loud at 3:00 a.m. I am a college student. I seldom make my bed. Or even sleep in my own. I am a college student. I use milk crates for furniture and blankets to cover my window. I am a college student. I enjoy seeing mail in my mailbox. I am a college student. I have been to a TOGA party. I am a college student. I have fallen down on campus before. I am a college student. I plead to not drive whenever a group of us go out just so I don't lose my parking spot. I am a college student. I hate bike cops. I am a college student. I am not afraid to pop-a-squat behind bushes/trees on campus while walking between parties! I am a college student. My dormmates and roomate are my family. I am a college student.I have discovered upon drinking "jungle juice" that there is No JUICE in that jungle. I am a college student, I have yet to find the nearest church. I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT....AND LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT!

this journal has a lot of extreme hormonal moments captured in it. if you read this, i am sorry. just turn away. read this instead. http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44690

he does it again. always getting under my skin. my heart's pulling me in so many different directions. i tried to finally stop all contact to save myself in the mildest manner i knew and of course he goes crazy about shit and of course makes a dig about me with my new bf and of course it hurt so bad i really like sutton but it still hurts the whole sit. just sucks and now i have found a twin in a new guy who lives upstairs what the fuck is going on? why can't i control my emotions good GOD life would be so nice then

everything is complicated but i make it that way "every woman has the exact love life she wants." i hate that this matters to me. i hate that HE matters to me.

i realized, reading through all my past journal entries, that if i were a stranger reading them, i would not like me. if i met myself would i like what i saw?

WHY CAN'T THINGS BE SIMPLE why can't it ever just goooo smooooooooth free of complications? it's always SOMETHING and when it's not, i MAKE something out of it. WHAT THE HELL i am going OUT OF MY SKULL HERE even in my dreams i'm frustrated beyond belief GAHHHH I GIVE UP

woooooohaaaaaaa...... how things do change. the jackass with no soul is gone. hopefully forever. i am still torn between calling him one last time, as a sort of goodbye meeting, because the last time was so humiliating. but then, i think, it was sooo humiliating. why do it again? and also, i don't really want to see him. i don't really even like being around him. he's rude and selfish and awkward and his life revolves around pot. but i still cling to the thought that we used to care so much about each other, and it's reduced to this. that thinking made me sad in the past, about other ex's. but this time i almost completely don't even care. i feel like he acted that way towards me deliberately to make me feel worthless, and showing any sort of interest platonic or otherwise in him would just be proving that he was right. that he could treat me like that, and i would take it. well, i won't.

Let it die and get out of my mind We don't see eye to eye Or hear ear to ear Don't you wish that we could forget that kiss And see this for what it is That we're not in love The saddest part of a broken heart Isn't the ending so much as the start It was hard to tell just how I felt To not recognize myself I started to fade away And after all it won't take long to fall in love Now I know what I don't want I learned that with you The saddest part of a broken heart Isn't the ending so much as the start The tragedy starts from the very first spark Losing your mind for the sake of your heart The saddest part of a broken heart Isn't the ending so much as the start

your face is all that hasn't changed you reassembled just like me but when i reach to touch your hand you stroke mine gently i am so scared right now.

wwwhhhhaaaattt just happened. so we're back together? i've spent so much time trying to make myself hate him. but i can't and i still love him. is this good for me? i can't help thinking that it is. he's sooooo....uhn. i missed him. i haven't been that happy in a long time. he makes me want to smile. it just makes me ecstatic. like i have something to look forward to now. i am soooo confused.

so, yeah, i am very very drunk right now. and i said i wouldn't so that anymore. i just don't care. i just don't see the point. what is the point of like if you can't enjoy it? i'm not enjoying it here. it's like a repeat of middle school. and that is terrible. in the meanwhile, i can't wait to be in love. i can't WAIT to be in love for real. i look forward to it every day. i can't wait. i will give my whole self. and it will be maginficent. if i get hurt, it will be worth it this time. because i will really love. for real. for sure. this next time. for real.

i hate that he's living life and i'm not in it. i hate that he is doing things i don't know about. i hate that i don't know what he's thinking, how he's doing, if he's alright, what he wants, how to make him happier. i hate this.

my entire life, i've pressured myself into living the life i thought i was supposed to be leading. and now at this point, there is no "supposed to." i don't have to life any one particular way or another. and it's a rude awakening. i'm jealous of other people who do run around, partying their lives away. but i don't want to be one of them. is there something wrong with me in that? i still can't let go of the feeling that i'm not good enough, cool enough, i'm not normal. despite the fact that i feel the world is at my fingertips. why do all my questions have to be so impossible?

for all the deepest thought compiled, philosophy to laws of physics, no one's ever heard or seen a more beautiful thing than this love that saved us.

mmmmmmmmm....sitdiary where i spewed my thoughts when i was just a youngin' i'm surprised i even remembered about this thing. i've realized my life moves in cycles, huge ones that span over the years and smaller ones that go from month to month. of me feeling like i've got it all together and then me ripping it all apart. all by myself. it's all a function of the insecurities in my mind. and i've got to stop it somehow. before i let on to others how very broken i am in reality and before i ruin something that's become very precious to me.

everything will change countdown: 5 months and 3 days

wild horses couldn't drag me away you're just like heaven i don't wanna miss a thing

just as an update.... the party WAS a success. it was fun. perry and i didn't hit it off, but EVAN and i did. and guess what, he's charlotte's ex-boyfriend. but that doesn't matter, because he's the most amazing boy i've ever met. and i am very very in love with him, and he doesn't mind me either. i'm completely over the nick and stacy thing. i hope they do fuck each other....it would make me feel better about myself. ok, now that's meaner than before. but i can't help it. that party was wonderful!

i've got 3 diaries going at the same time, but it's ok, i like it. i was devastated by the nick and stacy thing. utterly crushed. but apparantly now i'm invited to a party at perry's, stacy's ex-boyfriend. i know it's going to be a total disaster, becuase i don't do well with "people" or in "social" situations. but i keep having this fantasy that we'll become really close and i'll drive stacy INSANE which is not a very nice thought, but she does not provoke very nice thoughts in me. poop.

i was just reading over my old entries....back in the beginning of time when i was still a slobbering sophmore... GOOD GOD was i in love with that alejandro! that's really scary. REALLY scary. at least he knows nothing about it. i'm still shuddering! GAH!