alright. so things happened. stacy came home, felt used, had sex, felt used. took her and chris to western, felt more used stayed two days, felt like a tool and then left. haha. my body decided to die while she was here and i was there. a fever, broncitus, u know, the usual. do mind this was a week ago now. charlotte hosted me for a night there, that was cool. left western with a bitter taste in my mouth, chris stayed up there till friday... the drive back was a sort of tripped out surge of anger, self rethinking, inner termoil, and eventual calm. we havnt talked in a little over a week. and i want it this way. let her live her life, we'll see what happens. haha. also found out she slept with evan, from evan of course. more lies from her. fun isnt it. so sad, so pathetic, she lies now about things she dosnt need to lie about. to bad, i am gone now. she wont have me back again. so 332 miles later, here i am back at home, and a lot more at peace. been having fun with melissa. dont think anything relationship wise is going to happen though. not now. dont want one. niether does she. but for the both of us its a fix of not being lonely and some mutual enjoyment of skin. she's awesome though. we will see what happens. but right now, i just need to be alone. still have no idea what i want to do with myself. trying to decide. thinking cop maybe. i dont know. what i want to do is save up money and fly to hawai and join a commune. haha. living of the land. and just seeing what happens when a person really puts aside this social system and leaves. one day i will see. so man your battlestations, there is a storm front coming, a type of storm not natural. almost demonic. it has aim. it has fury. and i am waiting, sword to the sky. for lighting to strike.... haha. im feeling ok, not content, but a lot bettter. later