so she's not lonely anymore. thats how she told me she wasn't alone anymore. she's with Evan now. i guess that's what i wanted. i didn't want her to be lonely anymore...i can lie to the world, but i can't lie to myself. i dont want this. I want her to be happy, i want her not to be lonely anymore, and i guess she's not...but now it seems the world has stopped. i spent the night with dia tonight. it was her birthday. we went to canada, she had a couple drinks we danced, got dinner. took her home, fell asleep on her couch and went home...i dont want to touch another person. holding her hand while i was helping her around, felt empty. no love. i dont want anyone...anyone.. on the drive home i collapsed, cried like a little bitch all the way home. can't sleep. so now she wont be lonely. now i can really be alone...i want to be so alone. i dont know what is going on. if i was there, would we still be together. if so is she only with him because she's lonely. dosn't matter. she would take a million dollars and never meet me, so i guess i dont mean much eh. money. ha. i dont know what she wants from me now. she acts the same. she still wants me to call her. we are actually on the phone right now, and when she gets off im gonna put on her cd, and slip into a bubble of depression. i was never so tempted to just give in and drown myself in liquor. life is not getting better.