I don't remember what Bart told me bearded barley was. He said it in his "im a genious" way that makes me feel silly stupid but still admire him. He looked cute in his apron and hat. In that weird...realizing Bart is a guy way. Odd how Bart operates. I'll miss him. I had my first job on Saturday. Worked for a concession stand at the Tulip Festival. It was pretty sweet. I mostly made lemonade. It was fun, in that sadistic torturing "it's not rape if you're willing, so is it not work if you're having fun?" type of way. I made it fun. I mean, what use would it be to not have fun? At one point Jenny and I had a method going on, it was a blast. We got lemon juice and water in our eyes and on our jeans at times, but for the most part it was good. I'll miss Jenny. I read a book not too long ago, about an hour or so, and I got into it really fast. Maybe it is just that time of year when I get emotionally involved in everything. I've been crying at extremely lame things. And not crying at cry-appropriate things. I realized today that in about a week, it will have been one year since I had been royal screwed over, the king of all stupid boys. But it just makes me hope that all those lessons, all the heart break will be worth it. A giant lesson. They say you are the only person that can change you. I want to change. At least the love aspect of my life. I don't want to fall so easy. And crash easier. I want to be more mellow, not rush. But maybe that is just who I am. I want to be more trusting, but not the person who convinces herself everything is honky dory. Honky dory, that's a funny phrase. My mom's godmother died. She had liver cancer, and then it came back. My dad called me on my way to the mall from the church. I cried like a baby. It's not cool that she died on Mother's Day. No one should die on Mother's Day. Or Christmas. Or any other holiday for that matter. But I guess that just isn't realistic. Everyone would just die on the same 5 days of the year when there wasn't a holiday. And that wouldn't be fair either. I have begun to see everyone from my past lately. I guess it is the odd way that happens to almost graduates. To see everyone you used to know. But don't. Anymore. I saw Kevin Trova at his work, and his mom the week before. I saw Chris McCabe (from confirmation) driving on Saturday. He must at Hewitts. I was going to roll down my window and yell to him. But then I got all embarassed. I don't think he liked me too much. Probably because I was the type to roll down the window and yell to people. Oh well. I saw Steve Madia today in the mall. It was awkward. I thought he was Ryan. And I avoided him like the plague. Or the chicken flu. I do like chicken though. Had Boston Market the other night. They didn't have warm apples. With that, as well as the rest of my life story, I must go to bed. I have limited thoughts which are currently bringing me joy, so I must make some up. I am in an odd funk at the moment. One that I know will only last an hour or so. But hey. At least I've been single (and thus heartbroken-less) for almost a year. I think it's time to celebrate :) S2 -Courtney Ann