Someone noticed my ankle today and asked what happened [how was i supposed to explain that daddy?] I told them that i didnt know and then they asked me whether i had 'kinky sex' last night... Because of you people look at me like im a whore when i come in with my scratches and bruises. No one puts 2 and 2 together and see's through this. How do i keep up this act? My superego is on overdrive. I want to be perfect and i want to do everything right. I seek pleasure just like you do but that doesnt mean i go around fucking people against there will. my mind is in its unconscious state. --------- I want you so bad i cant hold back. I want to take you out into the rain and lose myself in ecstacy of you but i cant. That shit would be unheard of. Anyway its not a love its a want..want means nothing. I can live without. I am tired. I am sick. I am in pain. I feel this burning in my throat and i just want to scream so hard that my vocal cord ruptures and i no longer speak. I want to unzip my skin and leave it here on this floor and just...walk away from me. But i cant. I hate the word 'cant' i hate the use it and i hate to say I CANT but i truly cannot. It is humanly impossible. But hey, you gotta expect the unexpected. Getting my cheek pierced tommorow if i have money in my bank. PLEASE HAVE PAID ME MOTHER. So yeah..whatever You know when people get that tube up there ass and its like a hose pipe and it washes all your insides out? Ever got an urge to do that? ....?? just me then? right.. Change my skin clean my organs empty my rotten veins and start... again