I can’t get your face out of my head. Everything else I crushed and I crumbled but you’re still there just imprinted in my mind. Last night was just…horrible. The worst in a long time. I felt like a child again. Like that little innocent girl who didn’t know what was right or wrong and she didn’t know whether she should be enjoying it or not. When you were satisfied you left and I cried. I cried for hours and this morning I am so tired…because I was awake all night just crying and cutting, bleeding. I hate you but I love you and I wish that I didn’t. I wish there was no you. I wish that I was born with no father. I wish that you would remove yourself from me. ‘Take off your clothes’ and ‘turn over’ is all that you said to me. You had that look on your face and I couldn’t bare to look at you but I found myself observing that face as I cried. I didn’t know what to do. I got that horrible lump in the back of my throat and my heart started racing and then I gasped as you moved inside me. I hate you. When I feel myself pressing against the bed and you pressing against me there is no escape. There’s just no escape when you move faster and you get rougher. I bet you fantasise about this about making me bleed and killing me inside. Sometimes I try my hardest to get wet for you so that I’m not in pain but that’s impossible. How could I? Just imagine that you’re someone else when you climb under my covers with me and take away every inch of my being. You’re dripping face moving above mine. What do I do? What am I supposed to do? I can’t just pretend that your not there when all I can see is you and all I can feel is you. I can’t get mothers face out of my head either. It makes me sick. That blood filled, swollen and bruised face with missing teeth and blood shot eyes. You couldn’t talk. Splinters on the floor and holes in the door. It was your entire fault. I’m not surprised my mother had an affair. What would it be like having sex with you’re husband knowing that he was raping your daughter. She was lonely and she needed some company and you pounded her face in like there was nothing wrong with that and she came crawling back because she loves you. What is it about you that make’s us love you? I wish I could answer that but it’s impossible. It’s just all impossible.