Today has been shit. Me and my boss had a huge argument at work in the kitchen and i threw a plate at her that just missed her face and i managed to just about talk my way into keeping my job and then i got into the car and my mother made me empty my bag and went mental at me about drugs..but she seemed more pissed about smoking and cutting than anything. Even though she has never been bothered about it before and she is the one who lets me smoke in the house. But anyway....she told me something that really fuckin upset me. My nan died last year..and i have been told that she died peacefully in her sleep and she wasnt in any discomfort or pain [she died of lung cancer from smoking] and my mother told me tonight that actually my nan choked to death on tar in the back of her throat...and she asked my mother to help her to die but my mum couldnt do it. I was so shocked when i heard that. It was like everything just came crashing down and i just fell to the floor in a fit of tears. Then my mum gives me her hand and pulls me up and gave me a massive hug. I think thats the first time in a fucking LONG time we have hugged or showed affection. And she told me that i have to find new ways of dealing with my emotions besides destructive behaviour and she is calling my psychotherapist tommorow and paying for therapy rather than me being on a waiting list. I didnt know that woman had emotions.