my happiness and glory of the boy cyle is so exuberant... but at the same time dimished. i like telling taylor im happy. she always makes such a big deal of it. abd today she got upset. because when shes happy, i compete with it. i dont mean to, maybe im trying to show her im happy too cause of what happened to me, so we can be happy together. or maybe i do want to out-do her. make myself feel all high and mighty. man. am i that bad of a person, without even realising it? how many other people feel the same way taylor does? heavy thoughts. but theres a silver lining. i just needa find it.