So, this entire CD makes me think about Summer. And how my past two summers have been centered around two different boys... both of which hurt me deeply. Summer of '04 Was dedicated to Daniel Benjamin Obermeyer. Let's be honest; I was obsessed with him. He was my first real taste of teenage lust/love/wanting. I wanted him more than anything. He somewhat knew but didn't care. I would have done anything for him and he didn't give me a second thought. That feeling of rejection killed me. I would sit on my front porch at odd hours of the morning just staring at the sky and thinking about him. I know that sounds crazy, but I really wanted him. I'm glad nothing happened though. Him and I are basically bestfriends now. I don't know where I would be without him. Summer of '05 Was dedicated to John David Mueller. So, this was probably the best summer I have ever had. There was something about John that made me want to be perfect. We were together most of the summer so I was with him more than friends (big mistake). He was everything I had ever thought I wanted in a boy and more. He was halirious, sweet, and all around amazing. He always knew what to say,when and how to say it. He would hold me every possible chance he got. When him and I talk, we can go on for hours and say nothing. When people would hang around us they wouldn't understand us because of how fast we talked or how we said things, but we completly understood each other. He broke things off two days before camp saying this, "I'm going away to school in August and I don't think we would work out" or some shit like that. It was obviously a lie, but what could I do? I agreed, but that was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I cried every night at camp and for a few days after. I know that's pathetic and what not but not only did he basically break my naive heart, he threw in a few lies to salt my wound. "You're different than all of my other girlfriends. I still love you. It's not a girlfriend kind of love but it's not like a sister either." and my personal favorite: John: So, you remember earlier today when I said I'd be right back and I went upstairs? Me: Yeh. John: Well, I went upstairs so you wouldn't see me crying. I didn't want to break up with you but I knew it was best for you. That is shit and he knows it. I don't know why he said that. Maybe he thought it'd make me feel better or maybe he was just being an ass. Whichever it was it definitly didn't make anything better. It actually made them worse. I haven't been the same since that day. Before John, it took a lot for me to like someone, and now I seem to have become some what of a whore. I like 2 guys and (according to others) I lead both of them on. I don't mean to... I guess I just want that feeling back. The feeling I would get when John would simply hold my hand, or when he would just smile at me. Since then, I've been trying everything in my power to get a boy that's just as good (or better) than John. It's hard. I wouldn't say I'm desperate but I seem to have gained a reputation as a whore. i'm not a whore
i want to be loved again