Since I was 15, I have had my heart on reserve for only you. At times, you would take it, and we would be so happy, but all of that eventually came to an end, and you would discard it like it meant less than nothing to you. You've always came running back to me, but I'm not sure if this cycle of heart break will ever come to an end. Call me crazy, but I've been in love with you from the second my eyes met yours on June 20th, 2006. Other boys have come and gone, as with girls for you, but it seems like we've always ended up back on the phone, talking about how we would give anything to be with each other. But will it ever actually happen? Through the years, I've felt like I was going to finally be able to get over you and replace your hole in my heart with anothers love. But, as fate would have it, they would always leave me, and I'd come crying back to you. There was the time you told me you found someone better than me, and I will never forget the heartache. You broke me down, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you for that. Every time you tell me you love me, I remember those nights when you told me you loved her and not me. I have a nagging fear that's going to happen again, and I'll be so invested in you that I won't be able to get over it. Fears like this are unbearable. They haunt me. I want to believe that we will grow up and get married and run away to South Carolina like we always have talked about. Have two children named Aivan and Serenity... =/ But I just cannot push the memories of you leaving me out of my mind... When I feel like this, I try to remember back to that day. That first time we saw each other. When both time and my heart stopped. When I first looked into the eyes that changed my life forever. When I first saw the smile that makes me fall in love again every time I see it. From the first time we kissed, I knew you were going to be something special. But was all that just an illusion? I just don't know anymore... You know something is wrong... I just can't bring myself to say anythig. I don't know. I'm just feeling kinda weary about all of this... =/ I know you'll never read this. Why would you?