Maybe we'll choke on it.. ..Or maybe we'll just be friends. its a bird! its a plane! no, its just an update! okay Im sorry, Im a loser. but yeah, Im a loser whos really getting flippin tired of school *only 4 more days! god, I hate school. and all its patheticness. all the drama and people are so stupid most of the time.. alicia's birthday party is on sunday. she doesnt even know what we're doing or anything but Im hoping it'll be fun. though this one 8th grader that I called ugly and somehow she found out is gonna be there and its not that I hate her, its not that I dont like her, I dont even know her, I just think shes ugly. so yeah, she absolutely hates me.:) and shes gonna be there so that oughta be the time of my life or whatever. eh. Im sure it wont be a big deal. we'll either make amends or not talk to each other. apparently derek and danno are maybe gonna be there. honestly, I dont care. I havent seen or talked to either of them for a really long time. maybe we'll start talking again, I dunno.. I dont really care. I kinda forgot about them anyway. this girl that I called ugly the other day IMed me or whatever and was like derek likes me not YOU. and Im like yeah I dont care about derek at all and then 2 minutes later I guess she ran outta things to bitch at me about so she says again derek likes me not YOU. and Im like ..fantastic. somewhere in between there she called me an ugly bitch about three times, made fun of my teeth and threatened to beat me up. yeap. its kinda funny how I didnt even care about a single syllable of what she said to me. I even laughed a little. oh well. like I said, we dont know each other at all so really neither of us have anything to say to each other. theres this other girl that I used to be friends with but we dont talk anymore. she used to be so different from everybody and thats why I liked her so much, I almost looked up to her in a way. and now it seems shes given in to conformity. she acts more and more like other people every day and it truly upsets me. whats come over the earth that to be considered "cool" you have to act as much as possible like everybody else around you and it doesnt matter who you lose to become that way or even if you lose yourself. now I never want to be anything like her.. and theres someone else still.. that every day reminds me that he has a heart. that hes still a human. no matter what I think of him.. no matter what I want to think of him. and it hurts.. to be reminded that I cant say anything to him to make it better. I cant say anything to him at all.. brandi was crying today. I dont really know exactly what it was about but I had a good idea.. so stupid. theres really no reason to cry about that ((though I have before)) I dunno, I can understand why it upsets her and I dont think its stupid that she cries over it, not at all.. I just think its stupid that any of it happened I dont even know whats going on with anything anymore. Im sure at least she's still saying shit just I dont hear any of it cause I never really pay attention. its funny how naive some people are that they're such good friends with someone that they dont realize when they're telling them bullshit just because they dont want to believe they would lie. our school is so dumb and I just wanna get out. but I dont want it to end this way.. I wish I could fix everything. I wish there was something I could do.. XeditX since this entry was so depressing and self absorbed, I decided to give you a picture of bea and her puppies to leave this on a happy note.:) so here it is: ((obviously the biggest dog is my beautiful bea:) shes a little ruffed up, what with the puppies and all. but shes still beautiful.:))) I have 4 more pictures of them but I'll put the rest of them in here later.:) love!