OK this is my second attempt at this letter. Dearest Alia, I hardly know where to begin to sum up these past few months or how to even start to tell you that you meant the world to me and more. I hate to think that things between us are over. More than being a loving girlfriend to me, you were also my best friend. And if I am losing you as some romantic love, I don’t ever want to lose you as my friend. From the beginning you have always been there for me. You always took the time to hear me out and listen to all my problems- no matter how stupid they were. I remember when my mom was sick how you were constantly there for me to give me your love and support. You helped me through some of the hardest and darkest days of my life. There are no words to tell you what that meant to me. You never made me feel stupid, you always accepted me for what I was. Sometimes I felt like I had to put on some disguise and be something more than I was to you. But you broke me down and showed me that you loved me for me and that I didn’t have to ever act different with you. You probably know me better than anyone else in this world. I always knew I could tell you anything, you made me feel so safe and comfortable. All the times I acted stupid, you didn’t even think twice about. My only wish is that I was to you what you were to me. Although I never said it, I used to love to just listen to you. I loved being the one that you would come to talk to. When you had a problem or were distraught about something, I wanted so bad to be the one to help you through it or to make you feel better. I felt so special sometimes that you would trust me with some of the things you would tell me. It would make my day if you would tell me that something I said or some advice I had given you had helped you or made you maybe just a little bit happier. I hate seeing you down. Whenever you were upset about something, I couldn’t help but to feel just as bad. So to make make you feel better made me feel a hundred times the better. I loved being able to share with you things that would make me happy or excited. No matter how small or how stupid they were, you would always share in my happiness and tell me how excited you were for me. Like the time I had some of my art pieces in this show, I didn’t really think anything of it because I didn’t think anyone would really even care. But you were so excited about it and even wanted me to tell you what art pieces I had in it. None of my other friends cared, they weren’t into art or cared about what art even meant to me. But you knew and you cared. Even when I tried to play it down, you kept telling me how awesome it was and how proud of me you were. You made me feel special that night . I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. Then again, I used to love being excited for you. Even if it was just over something small like if you did good on a test or when you made the Cheer team at your school. I was so happy for you that day because you had just switched schools and I knew you weren’t really happy there. Then when you told me you made the team, I think I was more excited then you. I remember the next day telling all my friends about it. I just loved knowing that I was a part of your life. I loved sharing in your happiness and even in your pain. I don’t want to ever lose that part of you. I don’t ever want to lose you in my life. To even find some kind of word to describe what I feel to you would be impossible. You have showed me love like I never thought possible. I can confidently say that all that time I wasted thinking I was in love with other girls was in reality just a lie. After having known you and having experienced what we had, I now know what love really is. You are and will always be my first real love. Years from now I’ll be telling my kids (hopefully OUR kids) about my first love and how beautiful it was to share. I’ll be telling them about you. I don’t believe there could ever be another girl ever like you in my life. No matter what happens with us, I will never stop loving you or caring about you. I could go on for years talking about you- how absolutely beautiful you are, inside and out. How caring you are , how funny, how sweet, how talented, how unique, how kind, how gracious, how refined, how gentle, how just absolutely truly amazing you really are. Everyday I learned something new about you and fell more in love with you each day. I’m going to miss that so much, I’m going to miss you so much. It’s weird, but when we decided together to do this, I felt like after we did it- I felt like i had just fallen even more in love with you- if that is even humanely possible. I have to say that it did hurt, especially knowing that things probably now won’t be the same. I could feel it last night talking to you how things seemed awkward, and how when you left you didn’t leave with the usual “ I love you”. But then I remembered, this is how things are now. I hate this feeling, but I guess it will heal with time. I guess my one last hope for writing this letter was to try in someway to tell you what you did mean to me and how important it is to me that I don’t lose you in my life. I love you Alia and no matter what we are to each other, I just want to know you are still in my life. I don’t regret anything, the only thing I do is the distance that separated us- oh that and the letter your mom saw >.<. And of course I am sorry for messing everything up and for not being what you needed me to be to you. I wish now that I could start things all over with us and just be someone else to you, someone better. But for now, I guess this will just have to do. I know you are gonna go far in life. You have so much potential, and like your mom said to me, you deserve the best and deserve someone who will give you only the best. I only wish that I had been that person. Maybe in time I can somehow come back into your life a more mature guy with a plan and something better to offer you. As for now I suppose this is it. Remember that I will always be here for you, no matter what. And never doubt the fact that I love you. Always and forever, Chad Your Barker Boy