Every day of this is painful. Living with her isn't so hard.. but little things eat at me.

Dustin, a friend we've met in the last week, has started making moves on Kat. He tells Kar that he doesn't want sex, he just wants to be her friend. Yet he tries to take her out for dinner. He tells Katie (Kat's best friend) that he doesn't want to be second best to Dave, and that he'll sweep her off her feet. He tells me that he's trying to put a good word in for me and that he wants her and I to get back together because he thinks I'm a good guy. What kind of dumbasses does he think we are? Kat and I live together, and Katie is our close friend and neighbor. Like we're not going to talk about events in our lives? Did he really think he could play us like this?

I feel like he's showing her such disrespect... I mean she's going through a really rough time right now, emotionally, and the last thing she needs is some meathead trying to be her boyfriend. At least Dave is giving Kat the space that they need... I mean they're still hanging out and such, but its not very often, and he's not pressing it or anything.

It so strange, because most of the time I'm fine. Most of the time I'm happy even. But then... like I said, something happens, and it eats at me. Even when I know its harmless, when I know that its needed even, it still bothers me and makes me feel jealous or protective. Guys hitting on her doesn't matter, her hitting on dudes doesn't matter. But when Dustin starts to try to pry his way in when she so obviously needs space (and she's outright said that) it gets me a bit riled up. When she asks me to babysit Drayden a bit extra after soccer practice (like tonight) so she can go hang out with Dave, I know that it needs to happen, but it bothers me. I feel so jealous, there's a knot in my stomach as I wait for her to get home, and I hope that I can grab a hug before bed.

I know most people would just say "So don't babysit her kid if it bugs you, don't let her go and see Dave anymore unless she finds another babysitter". And yeah, that is my right... but at the same time, I understand that such an action is counterproductive. She needs to let things run its course with him; its slowing down every day. She sees him like once a week. It needs to be allowed to just die off naturally... she needs to know that I'm here for her as a friend. If I get bitter and start using Drayden against her and denying her from seeing Dave... it would probably make her angry with me and make her desire Dave more (due to the forbidden fruit).

I'm doing the best job I can to be the best friend I can. I want her to know that I support her happiness regardless of how things go with us. I want her to know that I genuinely love her... and I want nothing more than to see her as happy as possible. As much as it might hurt me, I bite the bullet, and I do what she asks of me.

Am I just too nice? Should I put my foot down?

....and as a side thing, I guess this might as well be put here.....

I think I'm going to try to contact my father. I've sent a message to my mom about it, asking her for whatever information she might be able to give me. I don't know if I'm going to go through with it. I want to right now, but once I have the info..... I don't know if this is something I can bring myself to do. Its terrifying. I feel like all these years I havn't really 100% known who I am. There's a big peice of me thats a mystery. I'm scared of what I'm going to find, I'm scared of what response I'm going to get.

But there's no time like the present.