I know I'm young, and there's lots of time ahead of me yet to come. My life has really barely only begun, in the grand scheme of things. I've been out on my own for a measly 5 years now. But with the way my life has gone, I can't help but feel like my 'golden age' has come and gone. And who knows, maybe thats a good thing. What I would consider to be my 'golden age' was a time of carelessness, of complete reckless abandon.... drugs, parties, sex, and adrenaline. I lived my life fast and loose.... I was hopelessly in love. No matter what happened (and honestly more bad things happened than good it seems, in hindsight) it always seemed like I was having a good time.

Now I'm focusing on school. Well not right now... now I'm focusing on work. But its all the same. Its a vast portion of time 5 days a week (that often bleeds into the weekend) that I really don't enjoy all that much. Its just to get ahead in life. And the weekends are largely spent with Demitri (not that I'm complaining, I love my son, its just not..... exciting) so that takes a chunk out of the fun as well.

I know that I'm young. But I just don't see myself being able to have that sort of laid back lifestyle ever again. I don't see life being that easy, that comfortable... that effortlessly enjoyable. I'll finish school, get a career (hopefully one I'll enjoy) and as satisfying as that will be, I won't be able to just let loose and fucking ROCK anymore. Maybe Shambhala will be the only time per year that I get to really party. I guess I should be happy that there will always be festivals.... if not Shambhala than another. But Sham has a special place in my heart now, after how its changed me.

I'm sure there's another 'Golden Age' just over the horizon. It just seems like a much more boring one.