I'm feeling much more like myself today, much to the thanks of a gorgeous blonde girl from last night. I feel like this is such a typical story for me, but I spent the night beside my youngest sister's best friend (they just graduated, so its not an age issue). I've had a bit of a thing for her since I met her a few months back, and I guess from talking to Sarah the other day she has a bit of a thing for me.... which, ironically, I found out during the conversation where I asked her if she'd mind if I made some moves on her friend. Mutual attraction is most certainly a good thing.

Its a real relief to have had a girl actually inspire some desire in me; I was starting to think that all this lovesickness had completely fucked my ability to enjoy women. After flirting with Crystal, and Brit, and Robyn, and feeling nothing... I mean Brit even spent the night beside me, and I just had no desire. And I find Brit gorgeous as well, so its not an issue of me not being attracted. There just was something crucial missing, and I thought it was caused by how hung up I was/am.

However, last night I got invited out to a birthday party of a girl I hardly know, and I jumped at the chance, because this girl is drop dead gorgeous. After spending some time with her, I think I've developed a crush. Its awesome, because neither of us are in a place where we want to or even can get involved with anybody.... she's moving to the other side of the country in the fall to go to school, and she's going to be spending most of the summer away as well. But in the time that she's here, I think we're going to enjoy eachother's company.... even if we don't, the time I spent with her last night has definitely re-ignited the fire within me. Something about her smile, her eyes, the way she looked at me.... it returned to me all the confidence that I'd lost. I feel like I'm worth it again. Thanks girl, I appreciate it more than I can express. And all it took was a look in her eyes, and a kiss. Not that it ended at a single kiss..... but it did stop at kisses. It was her birthday, after all, she'd been drinking... and I will not allow any girl's first time with me to be a drunken one, thats just asking for her to regret it in the morning.

I still very much love Kat, and I am still very much hung up on her. I still hope for her and I to be together in the future. But I also feel like I'm now OK with waiting.... I've been given patience, reminded that there's lots of enjoyment to take in life between then and now. And even if it never comes, that it would still be just fine.

Kat's in Oliver for a few days due to work.... her new job. When she gets back, I really look forward to Dexter and her. I think that the time away from me might also help her out, put things in perspective.

No matter what happens now though..... everything is going to be alright.