On nights like this, I wonder if I'll ever go back to being the way I was before Kat. I wonder if I'll ever be free of these feelings for her. Sure, I'll get over her. I'll have functional relationships, as soon or as far as that might be from now. But will I ever be free of these feelings for her? Will I ever be able to look back and not care what happened? I have the feeling that its very possible she might have scarred me in a very permanent way. She might forever be "the one who got away" no matter how little she deserved my love in the end. She might always be my weak point... the girl who, if she came back and apologized, I would go back to.... as bad of an idea as that may be.

She doesn't deserve me. And I know that now. But she could very well be one of those off-and-on relationships where one person keeps fucking it up and the other keeps taking them back. Who knows how many times I'd forgive Kat before I gave up and cut ties.

My heart hopes more than anything that she comes back.

But my intelligence hopes more than anything that she just stays the fuck away from me.