What a strange turn of events.

I've commented a few times about searching for that initial spark. That girl who, physically or otherwise, grabbed me by the collar and demanded my attention. I didn't know exactly what I was looking for, but I knew that I would know it when I found it. And I found it. But the story isn't that simple, it never is.

Klara mentioned to me months ago that she knew a girl she thought was perfect for me. Hot blonde, super passionate about music, loves going to shows, really artsy and energetic and awesome. They're in a few classes, so it would be easy for her to be my wingman and get me into said girl's life. She figured that as soon as the two of us met, we'd just click, and all would be good and happy in life. Except that it never quite happened. It'd been months since Klara first told me of this amazing classmate of hers, and I'd heard nothing more than "You really should meet her!". To be honest I had just assumed it was never going to happen.

Until now.

Last week Klara suddenly produces a phone number and says "Here's Miranda's number, text her, she's really interested in meeting you." Well thanks Klara! We text for a few hours that night, and a date is set for lunch last Friday. The lunch went amazing, she pretty much took my breath away from the start of the conversation. We've got the same passion for music, value the same things in musicians. We both play guitar non-seriously when we aren't busy with school or other stuff. Pretty instantly I am extremely smitten with this girl. And then I get doused with cold water. Miranda thinks I'm bloody awesome, but Klara's assumption that sparks would fly from the very start seems to have been only half correct. She's not looking for any sort of romance at all, and the whole lunch (from her POV) was on the premise of meeting a wicked awesome person with the same interests for friendship.

Well fuck. So much for things being clear-cut.

Even now, Klara (and a few other female friends who I've mentioned this to) insist that its only a matter of time before she develops a thing for me. We just need to hang out more, and she needs to get to know me better. And I'm all down for that, I mean I'm in no rush; I'm definitely feeling lonely lately, but I'm not going to let that impede my judgement or get me to rush into anything. Let things happen naturally. The issue falls when it comes to the fact that its not a set thing. This all works on the assumption that Miranda will decide that I'm just this amazing guy who she wants to date. Which may not happen. So logic would dictate that I should continue doin' my dating around thing, which would include a party at Amanda's house this weekend and another date with her sometime next week.

Which is where my issues stem from. Is it morally questionable to date a girl, even casually, when you're pretty damn smitten with another? I hardly think it would be fair to Amanda if her and I dated casually only to have me one day announce "Sorry, no more dates, I found a girlfriend". That just sounds like a terrible thing to do. On the other side of possibility though, it would be rather silly to break away from dating altogether because of a woman who has yet to show any romantic inclincations.

The obvious answer is to sit and wait. Amanda has hardly had the chance to get to know me, to get attached, so I'm in no danger of breaking her heart at the moment. And whether Klara is right or not about Miranda starting to see me through a rose colored lens, we shall see.

I'm never doing this whole 'dating around' thing again. It sounded so effiecient before I actually experienced it. I mean you don't commit, you just get out there and meet people and if you decide that after a few dates you've found the person you want to be in a relationship with then fine. Its like trying all the flavors in the store before deciding which one to take home; so much more efficient than choosing one and hoping there wasn't a better choice staring you in the face. But its not that easy with people. The more you date around, the more people you have to cut the news to that they didn't 'make the cut' once you choose somebody.

I'm gonna slow my ass down now. Amanda is fun, I really enjoy her company. Miranda won't stay out of my head; our mutual passion for music only makes it worse because I'll turn on a good song and immediately think "I bet she'd fucking love this! I gotta show her this band!". 2 women in my head are complicated enough. I'm just gonna sit and wait and watch.

I'm sure answers will float to the surface if I wait.

Either that, or I'll dive in looking for them and risk drowning.