Well im now back from soul survivour, cant actually remember whether i mentioned that in my last entry. but hey, ive just got back anyway. it was very cool. the main sessions were crap overall, shyty worship and pretty crappy talks, but a couple of bits were ok. the last nite was frigging amazing, pretty much every person in our youth group, 29 of us, felt the holy spirit in some way, it was pretty awesome. even the complete anti-christians recognised that something was going on and got much closer to god just in that nite. there were also some pretty scary parts, people screaming and falling over, luckily not from our youth group. but it did make me doubt quite a bit. i really dont understand how that kind of experience is a good thing. but by the end of the night, everyone was back on their feet, and they all seemed so much happier, it seemed worth it. i cried quite a bit. as usual. there were also other great reasons for being there. on the first nite there was an opportunity to go up the front, basicaly if you felt you had fecked up and wanted/needed to start again with god. eventually, after more tears, steve came and prayed with me. he said that he felt it had broken a few walls between us, and i completely agreed, we have such a better relationship now. he feels he can talk 2 me more easily and the other way round. he was being so geat, him n lauren are so damn sweet, he kept texting and calling her, it was bloody adorable. he also hated some of the worship n stuff, n he was just being so funny, ripping the piss out of it, it was great. hes so funny. the place was also swimming with fit guys, oh my days they were frigging everywhere, all with long hair, and all skaters. me n ami spent most of our time drewling down at the skate park. but there was one guy who i grew to really really like. called sam. i met him at solid a few months ago, and he was there last week, hes from another youth group in brentwood who we went with. hes so lovely. he looks quite young, but hes actually 2 days older than me. he does have longish hair (get in there) and hes growing it, its really nice. but hes just so sweet and funny. and he has one of the nicest smiles ive ever seen. so basicaly i realised i fancied him, that same day he told us about how he doesnt want a gf for various reasons, he recently turned down someone he really likes, cos he just prefers being single. i totaly respect him for it, but i was fecking gutted for quite a while. so when i got home i decided to be blunt and blatant and just tell him. if nothings gonna happen thers no point putting it off. he said no, just as i expected, but he also said that if he didnt not want a girlfriend, he would have said yes. i went 2 sleep happy, cos it at least implies he likes me. but now im just as gutted cos i no that summat cudv happened. if he does like me then its a bit of a gemma ben situation, with 2 people fancying each other but not going out. but clearly for very different reasons, cos ben is issue boy, and sam is just sweet. well i should be seeing more of sam, hes gna go to our YP bible study/social, so when ive officaialy moved up, i can start seeing him once a week. or twice when thers DYD. so at least we can be pretty good mates. then maybe we'l spent so much time together he'l eventually be ready for a girlfriend and i'l still be there 'and smelling of roses' as joe petch said. [/non realistic daydream] ah well, at least i'm halfway there, kind of. and if sam can be so happy without a gf, i can be happy without a bf. damnit i cant remember sams face. oh thats really annoying. that makes me sad :( enjoy ur holidayses xHUGx