This is too hard to write, a private fucking entry and i cant write it. Whats wrong with me? Why do these kinds of things have to affect me so much. It really just seemed like everyone had someone last night. except me. I dont even care about having a bf, not that much, there was just something about last night i couldnt stand. And now theyre going out. At least when it was just one night, i could find a reason to be angry. But i'm not, i'm not angry, i coudnt be. If i could be angry, i could be a little bit justified, but i cant. I'm jsut being pathetic for no reason. I'm just jealous. More overwhelmingly jealous than i've been in my life, and i cant fucking handle it, cos i dont want to be. Just imagine, a party, a guy is there, he's just a friend, he really is, but you know, and wouldnt be too ashamed to admit, that he's one of very few guys in the world who, just occasionally, makes you feel just a little bit special. And youre best friend, youre prettier, nicer, sexier best friend, whos never met him before, just comes along and gets him, instantly. And youre happy for them, you really are, but theres just something in you which means you cant stand being near them together. Spite? maybe. Insecurity? possibly. Jealousy? probably. And youre just so surrounded by couples and closeness, and who do you have? fucking no one, that you just have to get away from it all. So i did. I lay outside under the stars, and cried. Fucking teenage drama, at jsut the party i wanted to avoid it at. And looking at the stars, their amazing beauty and incomprihensible scale, and i just felt so pathetic. Cos in the cosmic scheme of things, who gives a fuck about me? What difference does it make whether my sad blip of an existence is happy or sad or lonely or great. Me lying under the stars makes no difference to them, theyr still jsut gonna burn in exactly the same way. This isnt worth being a private entry. I'm sorry. I am happy for you. I promise.