I recommend not reading this entry. i'd make it a private entry, but theres nothing i have a problem with anyone reading its gonna be a long rant about sam, and i know some of u r getting fed up with that, n i dont blame you. I dont want to love him. i dont love him. do i? oh fuck. i really dont have the energy or strength to get caught up in love. it wont make anything easier. it would get me too committed, too serious and more likely to get my heart broken. it isnt just like anymore, it isnt just a crush. i dont just fancy him. i wish i could. why can i never just fanc guys. why does everything have to be so huge. i hate it. it just leaves me getting more hurt than i should. even if we do go out, which isnt even likely, its not gonna last forever, its gonna end. we're only 14. and when it ends, its gonna hurt. im gonna het hurt from this. why does love always end up that way? i cant be in love at 14. please dont say i am. but, what is love? in english today mrs barlow asked us that, she asked us how you feel and act when in love. everything people said was true for me, like a big checklist, ticks all round. i could have cried, i know i laughed and joked but inside i was panicking. maybe they just couldnt explain it. maybe what they said was just what they thought. the stereotypes of what its like to be in love. maybe i'm not in love. maybe it hasnt got so insanely out of control. maybe i'm not doomed to just be hurt by him, no matter how much i like him. oh fucking hell. get me out of this. get me unattatched. make it go away. 'you cant get yourself out of love' youre damn rite raz. love hurts.