'I look at you and smile because I'm fine' well that pretty much sums everthing up right now. Often i find myself looking at sam, and just smiling, because i feel nothing. I'm not thinking, god i think i love you; i'm not thinking, if only you were sitting next to me; i'm not feeling hopelessly depressed; i'm not close to tears; i'm not smiling because of anything he's done and i dont feel like theres going to be absolutely no end to it. I just feel fine. And i love it. It's going to be over soon. It's all going to be better. It has to be. We've emailed each other recently, and we've decided that we are going to start from the beginning and just be good friends. Although he might be a bit annoyed with me, cos i told him to be more subtle when talking about SH at YP, after he had been so insanely blunt last thursday. And yeah, i think i might have taken it the wrong way a bit. But d'ya know what? I don't care. I dont care if hes annoyed. I don't care what he thinks of me anymore. Whats the point? ready let's role onto something new Ive made a big collection of any art-like things ive done recently, that i like. I plan to keep putting more in it, maybe one day it'l be all full up. And that'l be nice. I'm going to get some point shoes today i think. It makes me feel very grown up i must say. Here is where the real ballet starts. I'm quite scared aswell though. Therres every chance of my toes being mutilated for life. Which wouldnt be nice. Plans are coming together for mine and raz's partay. It's going to be awesome. Well, i'm going to go, so i can continue to sit here listening and dancing (in my head of course) to le Killers. have a good day/weekend/week/life