Things have been falling apart for me recently. Seemingly trapped in endless reminders of what I owe. Locked into a pointless job that drives my mind into hell each and every day I return. I am stagnant and unchanging. Unable to grow and unable to evolve. Just lost in surviving till the next day. TO make it through eight more hours of hell. Just to not have enough money to make the damned calls go away. Its truly sad when opayday is the most depressing day in your week. A pathetic reminder that after 40 hours of suffering you will find no more joy the next day. Just sign it away and forget to dream. Work mindlessly, die mindlessly. All while your boss reminds you about how rich you are making him. Have I died and returned to hell or will I again find my way through the gate and back into paradise. I long for that simple time...just a year ago or was it two. I just can't remember. Its all a blur. That simple time when I could walk away and live again. I have no soul any more. It has hidden away in some deep corner of my mind to survive the mundanity of modern life. I can't write, I can't draw, I can't create. I can only rebuild. each and everyday hoping that One more application will lead me into a new form of hell. Something different. Perhaps a bit brighter, so my soul can dare to shine again. Or if not I will just rot, the freedom to be free is being taken away from my soul and I don't know what to do. I have signed my soul away to the modern plastic devil and I am fighting back while they try and shove me back down. Maybe in another year, I can bring my soul out again and remember what it is to live. Until then I hope I can tourniquet of the madness, before It bleeds me to death. I am to old to be young and too young to be old. Lost in these middle years, waiting for this shit to unfold and make someting of myself before i dissappear into the void.