well its been a boring few weeks. my new job is easy. My life is boring, and i barely have stuff to do. Im gripping on the edge of madness cause i am just that bored. I read alot and by alot itsi mean 8-10 hours a day. Cause that is what i have to do. Atleast 4 days a weeks when i am at work. Thats a lot of reading. Its making my head go wild with ideas and thoughts that surround me and consume me. Robbing me of sleep. But i have not yet reached that point of overflowing and surging forth with creative vision yet. My muse has not come. So instead a million thought and a billion words surge through my head in a semi coherent call. It wont be long before my hands will cramp from long hours of writing and my eyes will burn from longer hours of proofing. that will be nice something to cloud the long days and sleepless nights. blur it all together in one endless timeless swarm. But till then each single moment lingers on far to long and i am far to aware of every passing moment. at one time i saught to master the minds graso on time. to slow down what was needed and see in a detail beyond what most could see. sadly in succedding in that it had been hard to turn it off and with so much time to do nothing with now real focus, everything seems to be passing on in a solid block of nothing. Along with that endless time i am lonely again. not from lack of companionship or the loss of kelly but just from the emptiness that is filling my life. But i will be getting a computer running later today after i rest my mind and body for a few hours and with that i will connect into FFXI were atleast in that i will have a focus for my time. Something to visualize and sometthing solid to suck away the empty quiet hours. That way this tinge of lonely madness that is creeping on me will be sedated and filled with the mindless and utterly futile escape into another more appealing reality. Then atleast the time between my boredom will be less severe and more tolerable,