its been an okay christmas, but there are some people that i really wish I could of shared it with, but my past mistakes didnt let that happem. So to start anew I feel like its a good idea to apologize to everyone I have wronged this year. For the things that I should remember and for those things I have done and forgotten. I try everyday to make my self a better person but I seem to fail on that. Being imperfect sucks and losing focus of what is important is one of those flaws that I still need to overcome. But I get better with it each year. Hopefully as we enter into a new year we all can rebuild and remember what was good in life and learn from what is bad. Merry christmas everyone. Going to my grandma's tommorrow. I like visiting her and my grandpa, but going there is hard sometimes since my grandpa is falling apart. he has a lot of small strokes last year and they pretty much destroyed his mind and will. Its hard seeing some one that has always been a strong good man falling apart and mostly giving up on life. Its real hard for my grandma too. So when I go there, I try to put up a happy face and try and remember the good things. I have already lost one great man in my life. Its hard to except that another is probably not going to be around much longer. Matter of factly, I was thinking about my step grandfather Bob. He was a good man and he was killed when I was 11 in the gas station he was working part time at after he retired. I always think of him during these times and think of how much better things could of been if he was still around. But the past is the past and i can't have him back. None of us can. Thats the sad reality of life. Right now I am trying to stay away from the depression that is trying to evade my mind and soul. I am tired of being depressed. i dont want to go there again. But its hard for me to stay focused when I dont have anything to drive me. Well to finish with a happy thought I am learning to make some jewelry and my dad is going to teach me how to make metal casting and then I can make some of the jewelry that I have designed, that would be nice since it would give me some focus in my life and that is what I need.