guess who's bringing sitdiary back? no, not justin timberlake, me! =) hehe

wow guys! i guess it's been awhile, huh? well i'm happy this isn't broken anymore, that's for sure. but anyways, a lot has been going on! i've been working a ton more, everyday, which is really nice. i realized that it's my lot in life to just work at a daycare or babysit. i just love it! and i got sick too, lately. i can't really swallow right now. my throat hurts a lot and i'm sad cuz i just wanna eat like cereal, you know? but milk's so bad for sore throats! so i'm totally bummed. but this week's been pretty fun i guess. last night me, james, and jaci went to jenna & rachel's grad party. it was fantastic! i got to hang out w/ some people that i never get to, so that was awesome. and it was the last time i'm gonna see jaci for TWO weeks, so that was a little sad, too. but i feel like i have so much to do this summer! i guess it's not any different than any other summer, but it just seems like i'll be away from people more. regardless of what's going on w/ everyone, i'm gonna miss everyone. it's so awkward not hanging out w/ them all the time cuz all of us have never been this busy collectively. and don't even get me started on not seeing james! that's so weird too, but it's gonna be something that will test us, i feel like. and it's so weird to be graduating! like when shawn&marlena and jaci gave me those collages i wanted to die, b/c i felt like everything that's become so accustomed to me is like gonna be gone. and not that i'm scared, cuz i'm totally not-- i'm really excited--but i'm really upset that i'm leaving everyone i love. like everything has been awesome w/ my family lately, and it's gonna be so hard not seeing them every day. i guessit's a good thing i'm only going to houghton, and not messiah, cuz then i'd be freakin far from everyone. idk, this entry's really not meant for anyone in particular. it's jut what i feel. which i guess is what the point of a journal is. love you guys, k?

stole this from my cousin. cuz i heart surveys! 9 lasts: -last cigarette: grossss -last beverage: 1% milk -last kiss: my puppy -last movie seen: sad movie in human -last phone call: james -last cd played: love songs -last time you cried: today -last thing you did: burped -last thing ate: tacos 8 have you evers: -have you ever dated someone twice: nope -have you ever skinny dipped: no -have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: never -have you ever fallen in love: absolutely -have you ever lost someone you loved: yes -have you ever been depressed: yup -have you ever been drunk and thrown up: never ever 7 states you've been to: 1. wyoming 2. west virginia 3. michigan 4. wisconsin 5. florida 6. maine 7. pennsylvania 6 things youve done today: 1. slept in 2. went to the doctors 3. then to the mall 4. went to math & bio 5. had practice 6. ate dinner 5 favorite things: 1. hugs 2. ice cream 3. summertime 4. laughing 5. friends/boyfriend 4 people you can tell pretty much anything to: 1. james 2. jaci 3. kristen 4. eileen & kelly (not enough blanks!) 3 wishes: 1. to pr at sectionals 2. to get married to a man i'm head over heels in love with 3. for everything to end up ok 2 things you want to do before you die: 1. have kids with the aforementioned man 2. find happiness in everything i do 1 thing you regret: 1. eating too much tacos tonight :-(

man, it's been so long since i last updated! lol i pretty much haven't even had any thing to update about, so i haven't. track's almost done.. that's crazy! it's been a good season. i would like to do better in the pentath before it's done, but so far, i can't complain. ball's really really soon and i couldn't be more excited! it's gonna be amazing. boston was a good time. i got to hang out w/ a lot of people i don't usually hang out w/, so that was kinda cool. i have to say, the dance pretty much topped off the trip for me, cuz it was super duper! i mainly just hung out w/ maynard and steph, but that was awesome cuz usually i don't see them a lot. im getting really excited about camp, too! it's in like 2 1/2 months and i can't even wait! the only part that's gonna suck is being away from everyone that i wanna hang out w/, but i feel like if i've handled it every other year, i can deff handle it this year. anyways, i don't relaly have anything else to say. life's prety awesome and i have a lot of stuff to look forward to. if you could leave me lots of comments, that would be sweet. have a super duper day guys! i love you! love, me ps you are awesome x 902387489738.67 :-D

jeez louise, what's even going on? i know this is what God wants me to go through, i know i need to, but i can't do it. i hate this fact of knowing that the 3 people i shared almost my entire life w/ in the last 3 years are almost the farthest thing away. and people say crap, like it's my fault, but how can it be? did i push myself away? did i judge and comment on everything i said myself? i feel like i wanted the best of both worlds. like, i wanted to have the best friends in the world, cuz everyone needs friends, but i also wanted james. cuz they all mean the world to me, really. but then i just felt like they all expected that i would ditch them, so they like pushed me away before i could push them away. but i never would've! i promise! i need you guys, for real. but if i'm just gonna feel judged and attacked every time i try to talk to you about something, i don't need that. you guys were never like that. and it's probly true, i probly did change. but i think it's a combination of all of us changing. cuz now i feel like we all want different things from life and we used to be on (almost) the same page. and now we're in different books! like i've never, EVER felt more distant from you guys. we might as well may not even be friends. and i just wanna know how you guys feel, cuz i can almost guarantee that i'm not the only one feeling like this. i think i'm just saying in words what everyone else is thinking. idk guys, i love you and i want you in my life, but i guess i just feel like you guys don't want the same? like i feel like everytime i try to talk to you about what's going on in my life, it's put on the back burner. and i really don't feel supported in my relationship w/ james at all, i just want you to know that. idk, talk to me, please?

well guys, it's been a few days. & the sad part is that nothing is even new! lol! actually, i visited messiah, as you all know, because only 2 people read in this and comment. and both of you i talk to every single day of my life anyways. but i'm a little more confused about where i'd rather go to college. i guess i'm gonna need to make a list of pros and cons, cuz they're really comparable. so last friday was the lock in at rcs and that was a really good time, i must say. saturday was fun too, although i don't really remember what i did. idk, this is kinda boring. leave me lots of comments i guess, so i look love. :-) love you, peace out! :-D

why hello guys! how are we all doing? i'm pretty awesome! this week pretty much flew by and it was awesome.. like i had a ton of fun and all i did was go to school and practice. but i got to hang out w/ james a lot too, which was awesome. and track's gonna be really awesome this season, i think. even thought i feel slighty unmotivated to try cuz my body hurts. lol so i babysat last night for 6 hours, but i didn't get paid cuz they're our family friends and my parents just volunteered me. but whatev. but right now i'm eating cereal and listening to jack's mannequin and planning on not doing much for a couple of hours. and i love that feeling. and i think i need to go try to get a job today, or something.. anyways, hope you guys have a really awesome day and that you really enjoyed this basically pointless entry. :-D love, me. ps you're super awesome & make my day. :-)

hey guys, hope all is well. i'm pretty much awesome. not a whole lot has been going on, actually. i've just been chillin. track's going really awesome. i'm really pumped about this season, actually. anyways, i've compiled a list of some of my FAVORITE things in the world. enjoy, and comment if you wish! 1) good driving music 2) snowball fights 3) ice cream sandwiches 4) when you think you can't possibly know one more thing about a person, then you learn something that you didn't know 5) long, meaningful hugs 6) full moons 7) shooting stars, actually, just stars in general 8) acoustic guitar 9) sleepovers w/ the people i love 10) being silly 11) i love love LOVE laughing out loud 12) butt tag 13) spooning 14) warm showers after coming home and being freezing 15) family game nights 16) being lent a shoulder to cry on 17) chick flicks! 18) scary movies when you get to hold someone's hand 19) water fights on hot summer days 20) super happy fun days 21) prom 22) dress up fridays 23) eating sessions in bio 24) getting good grades 25) being complimented for something you've never been complimented for before 26) seeing the people i love be happy 27) shows :-D 28) study dates 29) going out to breakfast 30) taking pictures 31) singing in the shower 32) massages 33) when people that aren't my parents call me 34) when people that aren't my parents leave me voicemails/text me 35) pentath 36) when gym used to be fun 37) movies in human. 38) double dates w/ tony & steph 39) reminiscing 40) no-sleep sleepovers 41) candy/food in general 42) coloring 43) making cards for no reason whatsoever 44) getting cards for no reason whatsoever 45) my flannel sheets at the end of a long day :-)

this makes me really happy, so i'm sharing it w/ you guys. i did once before too, but thats ok. have a super day, cuz you all deserve it. 1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. If not for you, someone may not be living. 8. You are special and unique. 9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. 10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world. 12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it. 13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks. 14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know. 15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

yayay what a super weekend! i've had tons of fun! this week was pretty interesting; it wasn't bad. but this weekend was stellar. friday i went home on the bus, went to work (sad day), and then james came over for a bit before we went to the adam milne game. the game was a TON of fun! kristen met us there and it was a pretty good time. saturday was our happy super fun day, and i couldn't have asked for a more awesome day! we went to a parade and then to a bunch of goodwills and to a SWEET buffet (not). then we went to webster park and to my sisters play. and to applebees (except we didn't pay! :-x) then this morning i had church, then i hung out at home for awhile, then went to james' wrestling banquet. and that was pretty sweet. then we hung out after for awhile, and now i'm eating dinner and going to see jaci at yg! :-D i hope you all have an amazingly grand night, and i'll see you all tommorow in der schule. i love you guys.

oo my eyes really hurt. i just realized. so yea, i just got home from james's. yup, i was there for 8 hours. it was pretty sweet and i had a blast. did i mention that i like him a lot? well, i do. also, i had a ton of fun this week so far! omg super happy fun day was AMAZING! i almost forgot how awesome my friends are cuz i never see them anymore. but seeing them for like 2 days straight sorta made up for it. i had a really awesome time guys, thanks for making my week stellar so far. and ps, i'm really excited for the rest of the break.. it's gonna be pretty sweet. no school is awesome. :-) leave comments loves. love, me. ps you're really amazing and i don't know what i'd do w/o you.

wow guys! i'm so awesome right now! like this weekend (that was like 8769868789 days long) was one of the best i've had in a while. mainly cuz we didn't have a meet so i just got to hang out w/ all of you that i love oh-so-much! seriously. and i even had fun w/ my fam. which is awesome. so lol i was gonna start typing out everything i've done this weekend, but then i realized that there isn't one person who reads this that doesn't know what's going on w/ me. lol which is so awesome. but anyways, i really missed you girls, and i'm so pumped that i got to hang out w/ you this weekend! and we're having a sleepover after sectionals, right? after we go to e-hots and make up stories about people on the side of the road lol. that was a good time. and i guess it was cool to see you, too james, you're pretty awesome as well.:-) love you guys, have a super day, ok? briana ps. i was just kidding, i like you a lot & i had a ton of fun this weekend. :-*

so uh, i'm pretty fantastic, not too much is going on. just a lot of fun stuff. i'm just chillin. hope you all are GREAT! & no one commented on that last entry, so let's try this again.. Wut Gangsta Job will u b havin? Full Name Age if u got...straight up hustlen dis basically means ull b rollin in da doe, but u got a hard, n dangers job...u straight up thugin, drug dealinif u got...Ur gonna become a pimp yo gonna become a real pimp, none of this fake shit ppl b thinkin they pimp if they roll out cool. u real pimp, hard job and yo gonna have to b storng and have no feelings or attachmentsif u got...man hore ur just plain nasty no much 2 say.if u got...staright out rapper biOOOch u dam lucky dis shit aint cum easy and few make it so stay true n dont b caught up in da game.if u got...MacDonolds then ull b not rollin in da doe but ull b happyif u got...ur homless bum u aint gonna get no job playa playa get yo lyf 2geta b4 its 2 late. This fun quiz by PlayboyBarbie436 - Taken 1665 Times. New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz ^haha honestly, can anyone read that? have a super day guys! :-*

hey kids, how are we all doing?hopefully super.i'm good, tired and stuff, but good.i'm getting pumped about rhode island...i'm sure it'll end up being a ton of fun, though.. so in conclusion, you guys are super duper..thanks for putting up w/ my bipolarness lately;-)have a super day!heart, briana beth. ps: four months with the wonderful james hodge, what more could i possibly ask for? :-)

yo what up? how's everyone doing? i'm pretty good. i feel really blah though. like physically. my throat hurts and crap. but i'im guessing i'm just super duper tired, cuz i've gone to bed past midnight every day this week. this week was CRAZY! i feel like it was 3 weeks squished into one. which is kinda sad :-X but yea, i've had a TON of fun though. sunday & monday (which seems like years ago, btw) i was at my grandmas. it was really awesome to see her. then i got home and cleaned and hung out w/ james. i think we watched x-men 2, but i don't remember. tuesday i had young life and it was pretty sweet. wed. i had practice then went to the wrestling meet, and it was so intense! & they won, which is pretty sweet. then we went out to eat and i got home late, but it was totally and completely worth it. thursday i did a bunch of random crap. and friday too! haha so now i'm frickin tired and i totally just watched random tv shows for 3 hours. which was awesome, might i add. so as much as i'd love to stay and tell you guys every single thing about my week, i have to go get some sleep. have a super day, and i'll see basically all of you tommorow at the meet! :-D wahooooo! i heart you guys, briana "the best" dawson

hey guys, i konw this is really long, but read it anyways. ilu, happy new year! :-) 105 unique questions. About you name: briana beth school: thomas.. titans.. T H S Astrological sign: virgo Chinese sign: who cares Do you even believe in astrology?: nope, but i still read my horoscope Are your parents still together?: yup Are you the youngest or oldest?: oldest What size shoe do you wear in guys sizes?: like 8 ahha What size ring do you wear?: 6 Appearence Hair color: 0438590 shades of brown Eye color: brown, occasionally hazel i think Height: 5'8 3/4" Do you wear colored contacts?: nope Interests What's your favorite sport?: track Favorite sports team?: giants Do you play any instruments?: cello Are you in band?: orchestra Play any sports?: i play track Favorite actor: i like tobey maguire a lot, but idk if i really have a fav Favorite comedian: brian regan Favorite band: too many favs Random Ever been to Niagra falls?: yup Ever been to Africa?: no What's your favorite drink?: lemonade Like video games?: only madden ;-) Asparagus?: eww Seinfeld?: lol love it! The OC?: ABSOLUTELY not Ever been to New York?: i think it means the city, and yes How long have you had AIM for?: like 7th grade Xanga?: sitdiary Do you like broccohli?: lol nice spelling, and only raw Are you a Harry Potter fan?: not at all Lord of the Rings?: yea Do you like Superman or Batman?: superman Are you a procrastinator?: lol yup Do you smoke?: i just threw up in my mouth Drink?: absolutely not Do drugs?: absolutely not Are you a slut?: absolutely not Do you think Paris Hilton is a slut?: uh What nationality are you?: german & english Are you sure?: yup Ever see someone die?: sortof.. dying Been to a funeral?: yup, unfortunately Ever been a part of a wedding?: no actually Been to band camp?: nope Do you have a job?: no dairy?: i really like ice cream Meat?: i think everything is chicken Fruit?: strawberries Vegetables?: i LOVE baby carrots Ever been to Sweden?: nope Do you always wear a watch?: used to What are a few of your pet peeves?: liars, Richards, insecure people, and people who make track into a slacker sport Favorite flavor of icecream: cookie dough How do you like your coffee?: non exsistent Do you get good grades?: sure Do you want to get married?: absolutely What do you want to be?: phys ed teacher/mother What's your favorite color?: green/orange/blue Ever been in a cult?: nope Are you Jewish?: nope Do you wear converse?: nope Shop at AE: yea A & F: never Hollister?: yea Aero?: sure How long do you spend putting on make up?: 0 seconds Ever wanted to be an astronaut?: i dont think Do you like Bush?: yea Do you like the movie Harold and Kumar go to White Castle?: never seen it and it looked kinda retarded How about The Village?: never saw it What's the last movie you saw in theatres?: narnia What's your favorite genre of movies?: i mostly like all genres the same Do you wear a lot of jewelry?: nope, but occasionally i'll whip out a necklace or earrings What's your favorite holiday?: christmas Ever meet a celebrity?: relient k Ever been to a country concert?: nah What about a classical concert?: lol yea actually A rock concert?: yea, i heart them! Do you like to mosh?: yup Ever seen your favorite musician live?: duhh Do you drive?: mmhmm Do you live in one of those huge neighborhoods with a million plastic houses?: nope Do you like playing in the snow?: yup The rain?: yup Afraid of lightning or thunder?: not usually Do you have OCD?: w/ my underwear drawer Do you watch the news?: on the occasion Are you sad this is over?: yea cuz now i have to go clean

yea, so christmas is frickin close! and i'm pumped! not b/c of getting presents, b/c honestly, i'd be fine if i got no presents. having no school and having awesome family and friends is enough for me. and i'm not a materialistic sort of person, really. contrary to popular belief. but i'm just excited cuz i love the whole atmosphere and the whole season, like it makes me really happy. and the fact that we have no school and barely any practices is sweet too. and hopefully the joshua rev won't be dumb, as horrible is that sounds, b/c its takinga up a TON of my break. ooo one gift i am excited about, however, is my novel note from jjames. idk why, but i'm just super pumped! :-) anyways, a lot has been going on, i guess. irealized that i have a crapload of stuff to pay for this coming year, like trips and stuff, and so i'm in desperate need of a job. but i'm totally and completely enjoying all this free time. like un-healthely so. b/c i've had like 3 free nights this week. and now its like 9 and the kids are already in bed and idk when the parents are coming home. but i don't think until like 11, which is cool. i'm probly gonna do some humanities and maybe color. mainly cuz i can. oh yea, and i got gum stuck in my hair tonight and i totally had to get it out w/ peanut butter. ;-) buttttt... i love you guys a lot, and have a super christmas [and new years] if i don't see you before then! but i hopefully will since you'll all be calling me on a regular basis. 'kay. done!

this weekend was stellar! love to you all! :-)

do you guys ever think about when everything was awesome? not to sound cynical, but sometimes i just htink back to all that. and i miss it a lot. i miss being able to talk to who i want, when i want, w/o that pissing someone else off. its one of those things where i'll love you guys no matter what, but it just doesn't make me wanna be w/ you very much. and i mean that in a totally sad and regretful way. cuz i was just thinking the other day about how much i love you guys and how much i just wanna give you a big kiss and hug. but then i remember how much all this is hurting me. and i guess i don't really know how to explain how its hurting me. its just eating me away inside, almost, and causing me SO much stress! cuz as much as i say i don't care, i do. you guys are my best friends! & the fact that everyone keeps talking to me about crap is making it 028409328 times worse, i think, because then i dwell on it, and i get caught up w/ sides (which there shouldn't even be, btw). some stuff like this just confuses the heck out of me.

so today is me and james's 3 month. and it seems like WAY longer than that. and i feel somtimes like i could be w/ him forever, which i think is really awesome. so i don't really have too much else to say, i just thought i'd share. idk, it makes me happy. :-) and guess what? ilu guys and idk if i tell you enough. so i just did. heart, briana beth