do you guys ever think about when everything was awesome? not to sound cynical, but sometimes i just htink back to all that. and i miss it a lot. i miss being able to talk to who i want, when i want, w/o that pissing someone else off. its one of those things where i'll love you guys no matter what, but it just doesn't make me wanna be w/ you very much. and i mean that in a totally sad and regretful way. cuz i was just thinking the other day about how much i love you guys and how much i just wanna give you a big kiss and hug. but then i remember how much all this is hurting me. and i guess i don't really know how to explain how its hurting me. its just eating me away inside, almost, and causing me SO much stress! cuz as much as i say i don't care, i do. you guys are my best friends! & the fact that everyone keeps talking to me about crap is making it 028409328 times worse, i think, because then i dwell on it, and i get caught up w/ sides (which there shouldn't even be, btw). some stuff like this just confuses the heck out of me.