well in first block i always tell everyone im god so people asked me where my bible was so i have decided to write one it will be great i have finished part of the first chapter you people should help me make it and i will not smite you :) yes i know i have no life...but fuck you here we go Daveism In the beginning Dave created the earth and a giant pit for the people he didn’t like. He created the earth in seven days. It would have only taken him two days, but because of raging alcoholics who kept destroying the world it took him seven. On the seventh day he said let there be guns to kill all the raging alcoholics and it was so. Dave saw that it was good. On the first day Dave originally had planned on having big reptilian creatures called dinosaurs but he decided he didn’t like them and killed them with his flamethrower. So Dave settled for the smaller animals such as ferrets which he made them Godly assassins. And Dave saw that it was good. On the second day he made alcohol….big mistake….Gods one mistake….but he thought it might make for a good joke when he was hanging with his homies in heaven so he just let it go, and Dave saw that it was good. On the third day Dave was getting sexually bored so he decided to make woman. He made them in the image of him only with bigger boobs and no penis, they just got a hole. Then he realized that he almost made another mistake he had created all these women but no one to master over them. So he created man. Women were slaves to men…sexual slaves…and Dave saw that it was good. On the fourth day Dave thought it was getting a little dark on this cold dark planet. So he decided that it needed light. So Dave said let there be light. And the world blew up in flames. Dave swore silently to himself and told himself that’s what he meant to do. Then he went into his corner and cried silently to himself. On the fifth day Dave realized that he was God and could just make all that all over again so God said “undo” and it was undone. Then he decided he liked the flaming planet so he made another one full of flaming raccoons and called it the sun. It brought warmth and light unto the earth. And Dave saw that it was good. On the sixth day Dave was a little agitated at the earth and decided to flood three quarters of the earth so he did. He took out his ginormous squirt gun and squirted the earth with it. He laughed as the people on the earth wiggled and writhed until they drowned. He decided that if he had a son he would make him learn how to swim. And Dave saw that it was good. On the seventh day Dave unlike most “Gods” did not rest he was up all night drinking and have unprotected sex with his hookers as he was God he did not need to use protection. Because come on he’s God.