TRUE FRIENDSHIP Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship: (1) When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the son of a bitch who made you sad. (2) When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. (3) When you smile - I will smile, knowing you finally got laid. (4) When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get. (5) When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining. (6) When you are confused - I will use small words. (7) When you are sick - I will stay the hell away from you until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have! (8) When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. This is my oath to you my friend, I pledge it till the end. Why, you may ask? Because you are my friend. Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.