So the weather probably has a big impact on my mood, because I hate snow. But today I saw her, and I'm afraid I'm losing her to. Everyones changing. Appearently its just a tough time and I sure hope the boy that always makes me feel better is right. Point being. I feel like I'm all by myself latley. Yeah.. pure emo I know. I'm just having a tough time. Not only does no one else understand me, they can't because I don't even understand myself. I wish I did. I thought I was coming so close to knowing who I was. I actually have no clue. I really miss my fetus, her and I always had grand talks and adventures. Like being mexicans and sitting in the middle of the street. Making our abc's. Taking pictures. Dressing up. Playing Tony Hawks and seeing who could get the highest points on free skate. Etc Etc. Now your always on E and I don't do that anymore, so its like I lost you. Your mom has basically taken you away. Thats turned into more of a punishment for me then for you I think. I don't even know who you are anymore. It's like someone seprates us and we turn into new people. I friggen wish you'd stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking of you. This bus shit is going to far. Your not a bus, a wide load, your anything but that. I am so jealous of you, I don't think your EVER going to get that. I'm not saying that to make you feel good about yourself, I wouldn't say shit to make you feel good about yourself..I'm telling you the truth. I really don't want to lose you.. I miss my Mom, I miss the way we used to sit up and talk. I miss my dad, when we weren't always sarcastic bitches to each other. I think he does it cuz its how he gets how he really feeels off his chest, so that it doesn't seem like he's hurting me, but he's feeling better about himself. I guess I just feel alone latley for the most part. I mean yea I have 100 friends who will listen, but I don't want to sound whiny or bitchy cuz I for sure know I hate that. Yea I could go talk to my parents, they said I always could, but they always turn it around. Like it's someone else's fault, or like I put an importance on my friends. I personally think thats wrong. If I made such an importance.. I would not work 2 jobs, probably not one for that matter. I wouldn't be sitting at home doing my homework most nights. Etc. I care about my friends, I'd do almost anything for them, but I do worry about myself..and succeeding. All that shit. I hate changes. I'm SO excited for summer. I want to make some new friends. I want to figure out who I am. I want to be happy with who I am and what I am. Yea.. I hate my mood right now.. maybe its PMS, i feel fat to.. ahh its coming efffff.. o well. byyee princess kelli-lee ♥