So schools definatly almost over. I saw the yearbook today and just I can't even believe there is only going to be one year left for me. Just omylanta. Next year counts for everything to. I am really scared.. to finish and to grow up.. like really grow up. I wrote this big essay today. About inner forces and external forces and what has the biggest effect on us. At first I figured that it would be external forces more so because thats like everyones influence on you, but basically I realized.. that internally you make choices...yes things influence you but you as a person helps you realize what you think is right and wrong, and I'm reading a million little peices [shitty thing that he made most of it up.. that was a let down] and he talks about how, he doesn't need 12steps and AA because he doesn't believe in them. The main point he makes is .. he isn't blaiming addiction on having a disease or something his parents did when he was a child.. he knows it was his choice, and he is willing to accept that he fucked up. And I guess thats how I wanted to look at it. I probably did awful on the essay, it was so much pressure..and everytime I write something, a teacher can't understand it.. unless I get an open minded teacher.. then we'll see. I think its really fucking gay your being a bitch.. this has nothing to do with you at all. And I think your being fucking gay to. You don't get to like everyone.. that's not even fair. I'm going to state now, that the boy I like is not off limits.. because he isn't mine. He is allowed to do what he wants to do and so forth. I can't get mad about that.. when I have nothing with him.. that anyone should care. Soo I was thinkin about that..and if I would be mad.. I really wouldn't.. because I know thats imature and lame and that I don't own anyone. I guess thats the story of my life. O yea and I kinda wish I had a bf.. I mean everyones got them.. or someone at least..fuck I feel so lonley sometimes. Fuck yeah I'm so emo :) hadhahahdakfjdahahahahaha Love me.