I hate you; I hope you fucking die right now in an extremely painful accident. Anyway…I do not feel right at all. There are so many things going through my head right now I don’t even know what’s going on with anything in my life anymore. Let's recap what has happened to me in the past couple months, so far I, lost two friends (technically three), have been extremely lead on by a guy who I thought liked me, find out everyone hates me, become severely insecure about all the relationships in my life, lost pretty much everyone’s trust in the whole world and have become totally nonexistent to the person I thought I was going to have a great time at the prom with. Guess I did a real good job “changing” my life. Things were so great, and they still are, technically, but not really. I’m still not letting things get to me as much as I did before, I still don’t care what people think about me, and yet I still don’t feel right and I’m still not totally happy. Because when I look at all the things I’ve been through in the past months, I realize that I have been on a huge roller coaster since like October. Things would get incredibly good and then incredibly bad, over and over. And now I realize that it was all my fault. Everything that has happened bad to me in the past month, week, day, has been my fault. Everything that has happened good to me is because of other people. I , myself, cannot make myself happy. That is incredibly sad. There is not one thing in the world that I can go and do myself and feel totally happy and totally fulfilled. What is wrong with me? Why am I suddenly this person that I hate again and that I don’t, for the life of me, want to be? What happened? Am I not allowed to be happy? Apparently not because every time my life finally starts to make sense someone has to go and bring me down, and it’s once again my fault for letting them do that to me. Why do people enjoy bringing other people down? How childish and immature do you have to be to still be getting your fun out of ruining people’s lives on a daily basis? Why does it make you happy to see me suffer? No like I’m crying because of the things you say to me, but for God’s sake what the fuck is wrong with you? It is so sad. You are so sad. I’ll remember to pray for you, because you seriously need help.