Ok I’m lying in bed right now cause I’m really quite depressed, no big surprise there I guess. But yeah, not only for the one reason I’m assuming you all think. I don’t really know how I feel about going away to school. I’m really exited in a way to get out of here but at the same time there is something that is tugging at my inside and making me want to stay. I know I am going to keep in touch with my friends, so I don’t think it is that, it’s just kinda the fact that I’m not going to get to see some other people I would really really like to see. That really bothers me…especially when you want to see them so bad and they really could care less or at least they act like they could care less if they saw you or not…course I have thought that before and it wasn’t really true…I dunno…I dunno what to think about anything anymore. Everything is very messed up in my mind. It’s like I want to go out and make new friends and definitely experience new things but I kinda on the same hand want to just keep the friends I have and not change a thing. I know that wouldn’t necessarily be the best thing for me. Everyone wants to best for me, but why does the best have to hurt so much? I hate it. I think I need new experiences I need new friends to keep my mind off this drama back home. I never wanted this to turn into drama though, I never thought it could, guess I was wrong, once again. I dunno I can’t even say I was wrong about anything cause in the end I didn’t turn out to be wrong about anything, it all turned out as best as it could, I mean figuratively speaking. I dunno…I have no idea about anything, like I said a part of me really just wants to get up and go right now and another part of me wants to stay and wait for something to change. Ok having me just type that is insane, if I stayed home and waited for something to happen I could be waiting for days, weeks, months…that’s ridiculous. I just wish I had someone special to come home to, I wish when I come home for Thanksgiving that I would have someone else’s family to visit…I just kinda thought everything was gonna be so perfect from now on…so upset I was wrong…cause here is the thing Karen and I were talking about the other day. Say I meet someone in college, ok, God only knows where they are going to be from, and when I come home for the holidays they won’t be with me anyways and even over the summer they won’t be right there for me to see whenever I wanted. That is why I wanted this to work out because when I came home he would be there for me…I wanted someone I could call up crying at school and talk to about how much I miss everyone, including them. I guess I expected too much. I dunno…I’ll write more tomorrow if I feel like it…doubt it though...